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June 10, 1988 - Image 38

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Detroit Jewish News, 1988-06-10

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

NORTHWEST

VACUUM

SALES PARTS &
Panasonic
SERVICE
Eureka
REPAIRS

Hoover

1

1/ 0 L11

"ra A 1061

$17.957
Cleaning & imbrication

FREE
PICK-UP &
DELIVERY

Most Makes

32650 Northwestern Hwy.
Farmington Hills, MI 48018
626-0626

181 5.
5. Woodward Ave.
Birmingham, MI 48011

642-1690

DON'T HIDE A BED "SALE

N

Twin 39' full 54' wide
Queen 60*
any size $99,00

Queen
Convertilbe
80' long $199.00

Full Convertilbe 75' long S189.00

$599.00 Complete
Frame, Futon, any cover

Facts-
Futon convertible
vs' Hide a bed type

1. No uncomfortable bars or springs
2. Guests comfortable 1st night
3. Comes disassembled in a box
4. Full size can be only 54* wide
5. Queen futon 80' long. Usually shorter
in a traditional sleeper
6. Covers removable for washing or change in decor
7. Can be disassembled when moving
8. Long lasting solid wood frames
9. Prescribed by Doctors for bad back
10.Inexpensive

mews

Kerrytown Ann Arbor
410 N. Fourth Ave. 761-1828
Ypsilanti
517 W. Cron St. 482-9310
E. Lansing 517-351-2248

Open Sundays

COMPETITIVE DISCOUNTS

Le%'on's meets or beats all prices*

(*details in store)

SMITH
CORONA

KITCHEN
AID

SONY PRODUCTS • GENERAL 'ELECTRIC •
PANASONIC • WESTINGHOUSE • EUREKA •
KITCHENAID • BLACK & DECKER •
MICROWAVE OVENS • SMITH CORONA •
THERMADOR • BRAUN • TOSHIBA • HITACHI •
ROEPER • JENNAIR • SUB-ZERO •
SCOTSMAN • VIDEO RECORDERS • VIDEO
CAMERAS • TELEPHONE ANSWERING
MACHINES • 14K GOLD CHAINS •
CALCULATORS • SEIKO WATCHES • CROSS
PENS • TELEPHONES • BINOCULARS •
STEREOS • CAR RADAR DETECTORS •
RCA • SUNBEAM • CELLULAR CAR PHONES

(We reserve the right to limit quantities, and/dr, withdraw from sale.)

LeVon's

SUPER STORE

Since 1949

30825 Greenfield • Just S. of 13 Mile • 642-4466
Daily 9:30-5:30; Sat. 9:30-5

BLACK & DECKER
TOASTER
OVEN

38

FRIDAY, JUNE 10, 1988

Shivah Is Mourning,
Not A Social Affair

BEN GALLOB

from Cheap to Gorgeous

Louger Position
knee-down
Couch Position
Rot Bed
Position

HEALTH

111.1 ■ 111111=11111 ■ 11.1 ■ 11111.11mr

SEIKO

GE

ew York — Jewish
customs spell out five
time periods in the
mourning process which can
help visitors to the bereaved
avoid the pitfalls which could
worsen the grief of the
mourner and delay the heal-
ing process.
Carol Hausman, a clinical
instructor in psychiatry at
Georgetown University
Medical School and a faculty
member of the Washington
School of Psychiatry, wrote in
the September issue of Mo-
ment that ancient Jewish
customs on mourning coin-
cide with what modern
psychologists have discovered
about the stages of grief, and
about types of behavior for
each stage prescribed for both
mourners and visitors.
The stages of mourning are:
aninut, the period between
death and burial; shivah, a
week of intense grieving;
sheloshim, a 30-day transi-
tion period; the 11 months
when the daily kaddish is
recited; and yahrtzeit, a year-
ly anniversary date to mourn
and reflect on the loved one.
Hausman criticized those
shivah calls in which the at-
mosphere is festive, "bent to
(fit) what has been termed
`the American way of
death: "
The purpose of a shivah
call, she said, is to let the
bereaved person experience
his or her feelings in the
presence of friends. The
shivah call was not meant to
help the mourner forget the
lost one, distract him, or
result in the mourner putting
aside the intense feelings of
grief.
Turning a shivah call into
a social affair, she said,
deprived both the mourner
and the visitors of an impor-
tant Jewish "therapeutic
event."
In the first stage of griev-
ing, the aninut period, a
bereaved person is in a state
of deep shock, followed by
hours of strong physical reac-
tions. These feelings usually
last for about a day. Only
after about a week do the
bereaved feel they can begin
responding to others in their
usual way — a period cor-
responding to the end of the
shivah time.
Hausman stressed that
each stage of mourning must
be completed in a
psychologically satisfactory
way, in order to enable the
mourner to pass on to the

next stage. Intensive grieving
must be done at the right
time to prevent it from later
turning into pathological
grief and depression.
There are specific ways in
which a shivah call might be
handled to help the bereaved
person complete the
necessary stage of intensive
grieving "in a Jewish way."
Unless the caller is prac-
tically part of the bereaved
family, he or she should stay
away during aninut. On
entering the house of the
mourner during a shivah call,
an embrace or handshake is
enough. For the caller to say,
"Hello, how are you?" is not
appropriate. It is a strain for
the mourner to respond "just
fine," when he or she is clear-
ly not.
Later on during the shivah
call, the caller might say
"The last time I saw your
mother, she . ." or "I
remember one time when I
was with your father and . . ."
Hausman said these conver-
sational openers of sepcific
memories stress the impor-
tance of the lost one's life and
values.
When and if the mourner
does begin talking about
memories and feelings, the
caller should sit quietly and
listen. The caller does not
have to respond or find ways
to keep the conversation go-
ing, or worry about the
"right" things to say.
Under such pressure, the
caller may say the wrong
things, like "time heals," or
"you'll be feeling better
soon." Hausman recalled once
overhearing a visitor say
"well, you're not the first per-
son to lose a husband." All
such comments may be true
and well meant, but they are
out of touch with where the
mourner is at the moment —
the required time period of in-
tense grief.
One symptom of grief is the
trouble mourners have in
making decisions. The stan-
dard requirements of a
halachic Jewish funeral —
plain coffin, shroud, no
flowers or music, almost im-
mediate burial — all diminish
the number of decisions
which must be made at a har-
rowing time.
The right goal for a shivah
call, Hausman said, is to be
helpful at a time of
helplessness, to be responsi-
ble to the sorrowful feelings of
the mourner, and to be close
at a time when the mourner
feels bereft.

Jewish Telegraphic Agency

L'\

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