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SINGLES

HEIDI PRESS

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to chance!

My unique and successful person-to-
person approach is not a dating
service. It is for serious, intelligent
and successful individuals who prefer discreet and
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best marriage potential.

Based on the SUCCESS of Traditional Matchmaking

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Love & Marriage

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Zahava Shalom

JEWISH SINGLES

LO LA is the only exclusively Jewish
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Spend a wonderful weekend with Elaine Kissel
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'etreat in the country learning:

•HOW TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORK BETTER
•RESOLVE ISSUES
•DEVELOP HARMONIOUS COMMUNICATION
•DIS-AGREE ... AGREEABLY
•OVERCOME PAST HURTS
•IBEAX IOU BARRIERS
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•AND MUCH MORE

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356-0949

Claire Arm
Millie Rosenbaum

IMPROVE YOUR
LOVELIFE

Preliminary evaluation absolutely required
prior to attendance. Appointment by pre-
paid Visa-Master Card.

P.O. Box 254
Lathrup Village, MI 48076

auf

Tel. 350-2270

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ow to connect — first
with oneself and then
with potential
dates/mates — was a major
theme for singles Saturday at
the first Singles Day spon-
sored by the community ser-
vices department at Oakland
Community College's High-
land Lakes campus in Union
Lake.
Arranged by Carol Lubin,
coordinator of community ser-
vices at the college, the day
focused on positive aspects of
being single through a varie-
ty of workshops. According to
Lubin, the day was arranged
because the college "felt a
need for singles to get
together (in a place) other
than in bars to share their
concerns."
With the help of a commit-
tee, Lubin picked the topics
and then searched for persons
who could speak about them
because of their expertise in
the subject either profes-
sionally or personally.
With the underlying theme
of "Thinking Positive in a
Negative World," Singles Day
opened with a talk by Dr.
John Flatter of the Problems
of Daily Living Clinic at
Sinai Hospital. In his talk,
entitled "Change Your Think-
ing, Change Your Life, "Dr.
Flatter explained how by us-
ing humor one can bring
balance into his/her life.
"Many of us have forgotten
to play and laugh," Dr. Flat-
ter said. "Laughter and play
are genetic necessities. That's
how we gain balance in our
lives." By using humor, one
can turn negative experiences
into positive ones, he added.
Diane Szymanski, a Dale
Carnegie course instructor,
echoed Dr. Flatter when she
advised in her session on "A
Lot More Time for Fun": "I
encourage you to be
outrageous." As an example,
she had the group of 115
singles participate in a activi-
ty much like the children's
"Hokey Pokey" game, in
which the singles were in-
structed to repeat a silly nar-
rative along with special body
movements. At the end of the
activity, the singles laughed
and loosened up. (She con-
cluded her session by wearing
a variety of plastic animal
noses!)
Szymanski encouraged the
singles to "live, love and
laugh" and to do an "ideal
day" exercise, such as
meditate, every day. Keeping

with the day's theme of
positive thinking, Szymanski
told the singles how to keep
a fresh outlook on life. Look
at the positive qualities one
can bring to a relationship, do
something different every day
to break up a routine, be
creative and have a daily
celebration of oneself — by
dancing, singing to oneself or
.hugging oneself. "We can
have more fun if we uncondi-
tionally love ourselves," she
said.

Nancy Ray, a training in-
structor at Unisys and leader
of singles groups, told singles
how to form an "owner's
manual." She suggested that
singles keep a journal and use
the information contained
therein to define one's role as
well as to be a guide for the
future. The theme for the
manual, she suggested, is
"how do you want your life to
be." "Live in the now, don't
hang onto the past;' she
advised.
On relationships, Ray said:
"Form a partnership with
yourself. If you expect to love
someone else, you have to love
yourself first."
Psychologist Gary Bern-
stein reiterated that message
in two workshops, Flirting
and Are You Ready For Love.
In pursuing relationships, he
said, one has to have self-
confidence. "Do you under-
stand yourself? What do you
like and dislike about
yourself? . . . If we accept
ourselves, we will like
ourselves."
Smiling is important in
making connections with
other people, he added.
"Smiles are attractive. They
let a person know that you're
possibly friendly, possibly ap-
proachable?' When a smile
leads to a contact with some-
one, Bernstein said it is im-
portant to connect quickly. He
advised by using the other
person's name immediately in
conversation. By doing so, it
lets down what he called the
"stranger barrier and relaxes
the other person.
Among the rules for pursu-
ing a new connection, Bern-
stein listed: when you first
meet someone don't get into
a debate or criticize; tread
slowly, let the other person
talk about himself/herself; be
friendly; have a sense of
humor; don't have a style
that's too far out; be sincere.
Barbara Halpern, interper-
sonal communications
specialist at Oakland Univer-
sity, offered singles some sim-
ple tips in making connec-