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it's important because it
comes at a critical time in the
lives of parents and children,
an impressionable moment in
which parents, not profes-
sionals, are moral educators
and decision makers. The Bar/
Bat Mitzvah rite of passage
is a moment when a young-
ster is inducted into adult-
hood and shown the meaning
of maturity.
We hear quite often that
the child informs his parents
that since all his friends have
had this Bar Mitzvah
bash —"everybody does
it" — he must have it. Here
the parental response has
nothing to do with whether
they can afford it. How shall
parents respond to the cry
"but everybody does it?" The
child must be given to
understand that "everybody"
is not a good reason. Living
in a copy-cat world —
"everybody does it" — jus-
tifies drug abuse, alcohol
abuse, sexual promiscuity,
cheating on exams, falsifying
insurance claims, bribery, cor-
ruption, shredding
documents.
Children must learn how to
say no not only to drugs but
to the inebriation of "more."
Parents who know them-
selves as models for their
children must appreciate the
implications of their submis-
sion to the youngster's cry of
"everybody does it." Parents
following this anonymous
"everybody" whom we pursue
like lemmings in the North
Sea. "Everybody" are the
people crazed by the urging to
be "numero uno" in all things,
from Litle League to Ivy
League. Is there no room in
this world for number 2 or 3
or 4? Do we prepare ourselves
and our children for the
possibility of "downward
mobility" or will the stock
market of life forever be
bullish? "Everybody" means
that the worth of Jason and
his peers will be defined by
their W2 forms. It calls for
family wisdom, courage and
Jewish sensitivity to insist
that "everybody does it" is
precisely why we don't.
Parents create memories in
children and a spirit not
found in books. Leo Baeck
wrote, "and a spirit is
characterized not only by
what it does but, no less, by
what it permits."
Danny Siegel reports that
lately when he speaks to
youngsters and asks whether
they would like to tithe and
share their Bar Mitzvah gifts
with the underprivileged he
receives from some a clear
"no." They argue, "I worked
hard for my Bar Mitzvah. I've
earned the money. My parents
promised." Here is the
totalitarianism of the mater-
ialistic spirit, the profit
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