SINGLE LIFE
Singles in Israel
The Israeli singles scene is centered
around night life and the cafes
SIMON GRIVER
Special to The Jewish News
NI
ost Israelis are deeply
prejudiced against sin-
gles. Yet because of this
belief that everybody
should be married, the
Israeli singles scene is vibrant as
society in the Jewish State strives to
encourage the unattached to find a
suitable partner and build a family.
Night life abounds, especially in
Tel Aviv. There are discos, singles
clubs, and bars but most popular of all
are streetside cafes. Israel's warm
climate makes for an outdoor lifestyle
and on balmy summer evenings, the
custom is simply to stroll aimlessly
up and down a city's main
thoroughfare, meeting friends and
chatting over coffee. On weekends the
beach is a popular rendezvous spot.
Isrealis, like Jews the world over,
are social and sociable creatures,
naturally outgoing and gregarious,
and this makes for a rich singles
scene. Furthermore, there are 1.5
million tourists visiting the country
each year, many of whom are singles
looking for a Mediterranean vacation
romance, and this adds variety to
singles' potential.
With army duty and economic dif-
ficulties, Israel may not be the
Garden of Eden, but singles have a
wide range of options. In addition,
most Israelis fancy themselves as
matchmakers, and "blind dates" set
up by well-meaning intermediaries
are the rule rather than the
exception.
Barry Greenberg, a 36-year-old
South African-born lawyer who came
to Jerusalem eight years ago,
estimates that he meets an average
of two new women a week through the
intervention of friends.
"Neighbors, friends, family and
clients?" he says, "all seem to have an
endless list of eligible females. When
I first came to Israel I resented what
I saw as an interference in my private
affairs. But I'm more laid back about
it now. It's a comfortable way of
meeting potential new partners and
- --
'Ainr" fn A, 4nm
sometimes serious relationships have
blossomed from the initial date?'
This method of matchmaking is a
particularly favorite pastime among
Orthodox Jews who pressure their
children to marry as young as possi-
ble. Courting couples in the Orthodox
community usually meet for drinks in
busy hotels, where intimate conversa-
tion can take place without com-
promising the religious girl's reputa-
tion and modesty.
Indeed, the Orthodox Jewish at-
titude to singles is distinctly in-
tolerant. Unmarried people are in-
complete, while the biblical com-
mandment "to be fruitful and multip-
ly," is seen as one of the basic tenents
of Judaism.
Secular, liberal Israelis are just as
family oriented. Increasing the coun-
try's Jewish birth rate is seen as an
important part of Zionist ideology.
With low rates of Jewish immigra-
tion, government ministers are
always asking Israelis for higher "in-
ternal immigration, by producing
larger families.
Not surprisingly, considering
these social pressures, Israeli singles
are on the look out for marriage from
their late teens. This is sometimes off-
putting for American immigrants
who are not always used to getting too
serious too quickly.
"I find it very difficult to relate to
Israelis," explains Joel Lewin, a social
worker from Los Angeles who has liv-
ed in Tel Aviv for six years. "And the
problem is much deeper than
langauge, which is in itself quite a
problem. My Hebrew is good, but it's
difficult expressing emotions in
another language in times of stress?'
"Israeli women put men under
pressure very quickly?' he claims.
"Within a few days they want you to
meet their parents and within a few
weeks they're talking marriage.
There is no sense of fun and romance,
it's all practicalities. In general
women from Sephardi backgrounds
are more anxious to get married than
Ashkenazim?'
But Jody Morgan, a teacher from
New York now living in Tel Aviv,
disagrees that Israeli singles put
their partners under pressure. "Of
course pressure is a very subjective
term;' she insists. "But Iraelis are
very honest and straightforward.
They don't play games with relation-
ships. There is less teasing, deceiving
and stringing people along. They say
what they want and how they feel and
you know where- you stand. To my
mind that produces less pressure in
relationships?'
"I know Israeli men can be offput-
tingly macho when you first meet
them;' she continues, "but beneath
the surface they are very sincere and
old fashioned. I personally find their
need for straightforward love and af-
fection very romantic."
Native Israelis do tend to marry
young. As in most societies there are
more singles among middle class
groups with pressures to marry, the
greatest among the religious and
more tradition-minded Sephardim.
Immigrants from the west form a
large part of the singles scene and
seem all the more exotic to Sabras.
Some Israelis are quite brazen about
their motives.
"I'd like to spend some time in
America?' says 21-year-old Yehudit
Almozlino from Beersheba. "If I were
to have an American boyfriend then
obviously that would be very conve-
nient. But I wouldn't marry just for
American citizenship. You can't have
a relationship without love and affec-
tion."
On the other hand, many relation-
ships break up because Israelis are
not prepared to leave their native
country. And as Israel becomes more
affluent, many western trends are
beginning to appear in the local
singles scene. Whereas ten years ago,
an Israeli's social life would often
revolve around visiting friends' apart-
ments, there are now many more op-
portunities to get out — to the theater,
cinema or a concert or for a meal or
just a drink.
Tel Aviv is the capital of Israel's
night life. Dizengoff Street buzzes un-
til 2 a.m. Older singles complain that
much of the singles traffic in the more
public places is comprised of
teenagers. However, the more in-
itiated know the well-frequented
haunts.
Cafes liked "Shoftim" with a 30s
"artsy" crowd in Ibn Gabriol Street
and Hahof Ham'aaravi (Western
Beach) at the southern end of Tel
Aviv's promenade with a younger,
more fashion-conscious clientele are
currently the "in" places for singles.
But next year — who knows? Thurs-
day night is the big night out in Tel
Aviv (the weekend consists of Friday
and Saturday) and things get swing-
ing after 10 p.m. Incidentally, Thurs-
day night is Brazilian night at Hahof
Ha'Maaravi. Other places to search
out include Hatzuk in Tel Baruch for
those who like to dance the night
away.
Tel Avivis tend to look down on
Jerusalem as a city with no night life.
It is certainly true that the holy city
does not have the glamor and diver-
sity of Tel Aviv's night life, but there