SINGLE LIFE

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Neil Beckman

JAP Is No Joke

The so-called JAP phenomenon underlies
a serious problem of how Jewish men
and women view each other

E

LISA JACKNOW ELLIAS

Special to The Jewish News

veryone knows a good JAP
joke.
There's the one about
what Jewish women make
for dinner. (Reservations.)
And the one about her favorite whine.
(When are we going to Florida?)
But underneath the snickers is a
serious problem that colors the rela-
tionships between single Jewish men
and women. While most find the term
Jewish American Princess or Prince
derogatory, it effects the way they
look at each other.
"Girls all expect the degree, the
money:' said Ken Berman, 25, an auto
mechanic. "They want you to make at
least $60,000 a year, drive a BMW or
other Yuppiemobile, and be an
engineer, doctor or lawyer. When
Jewish women find out what I do for
a living, they say goodbye!'
"Men are only looking for thin,

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FRIDAY, NOV. 27, 1987

beautiful women," said Shelly R.
"Jewish men are very egotistic?'
"The way they act, they are look-
ing for money and professionals," said
Felix Vahaba. "They are not real. The
first thing they ask is what car are
you driving, and what do you do."
"Jewish men see women who look
sophisticated, and they assume we
are • getting the money from our
fathers," said Cindy C. "They don't
like the fact that we may make more
money than they do. It's easy to label
us. Then they don't have to deal with
us?'
That situation was explored by Dr.
Richard Traitel, a Bloomfield Hills
psychologist, who counsels single peo-
ple and is also chairman of the Car-
ing Community Committee at Thmple
Israel, which sponsors several singles
groups. Dr. Traitel said he believes
that many men and women consider
each other JAPs in order to ra-
tionalize their inability to find a
Jewish mate.

"There is a tendency for' Jewish
singles to state those things," Dr.
Traitel said. "A lot of times, it's given
as a rationalization and/or justifica-
tion for difficulty in meeting people.
It's a socially acceptable, face-saving
thing to say. It's a convenient handle
a lot of people use when they have dif-
ficulty socially. The only people I hear
that from are depressed people who
can't find one of those JAPs."
There is no scientific basis for the
generalizations made about Jewish
men and women, Dr. Traitel said.
Such beliefs are a product of upper
middle class, liberal thinking, and
have more to do with economic class
than with religion, he believes.
"Some people say that only Jews
are like that, and they use it as a
justification to date non-Jews;' Dr.
Traitel said. "That is a fallacy. You
will find a similar situation when
dating non-Jews of a similar social
class. There is also a small group for
whom the term JAP is a form of self

anti-Semitism, of self-hatred. They go
out of their way to believe those
things in order to distance themselves
from other Jews. This exaggerated
and distorted view is a real problem.
The notion is growing among young
people, and is one factor in intermar-
riage?'
The fact that Jewish singles use
the stereotype of the JAP as an excuse
to datte non-Jews is a concern of Rab-
bi Efry Spectre of Adat Shalom
Jew is wonderful either. Single peo-
ple in terms of generalizations, Rab-
bi Spectre thinks they should be seek-
ing a mate who shares their values
and beliefs.
"Nobody ever said that every
Jewish boy or girl is wonderful," said
Rabbi Spectre. "But not every non-
Jew is wonderful either. Single peo-
ple should be looking for someone
with whom they can make a home
and have a family. It is impossible to
raise children with Jewish values if
married to a non-Jew?'