.."1"Imm°11TORAH PORTION I

New
Concepts
In
Coordinateu
Clothing

It Takes Tvvo People
To Make A Marriage

RABBI RICHARD C. HERTZ

Special to The Jewish News

0

ur portion this week
deals with biblical ro-
mance. It is one of the
most tender love stories in the
world's literature.
Abraham is concerned that
his son Isaac, now 40, is still
unmarried. How will he be
able to carry on the family
tradition unless he has a wife
to bear his children?
Abraham decides to dispatch
his faithful servant, Eliezer,
to go back to Abraham's bir-
thplace and find a wife from
his own kinsmen who would
possess specific qualities of
virtuous character. Abraham
is concerned lest Isaac choose
a wife from among the
C anaanites.
The story of Rebekkah at
the well, where she un-
consciously dislays qualities
of compassion, modesty and

Shabbat Chayei
Sarah:
Genesis 23:1-25:18,
1 Kings 1:1-31

hospitality, so impressed
Abraham's servant that he at
once set upon the usual ar-
rangements for the marriage.
He knew that a marriage bas-
ed on mutual values, mutual
concerns and mutual respect
would indeed be a happy
union for Isaac.
In those days, the ideal was
not first love, then marriage,
as it is today but, rather, first
marriage, then love. Abraham
wanted for his son Isaac a
wife who would be a worthy
successor of Sarah. It was an
arranged marriage and for to-
day's world, not very roman-
tic. The Bible simply says,
"And Isaac brought her into
his mother Sarah's tent and
took Rebekkah, and she
became his wife and he loved
her."
Why this sequence? Why
say, "She became his wife"
and then, "And he loved her."
The answer is to make clear
he continued to love her after
the marriage.
Since the days of Sarah and
Rebekkah, Judaism has
always held marriage to be a
sacred relationship, founded
on qualities of holiness, devo-
tion, dedication and
everlasting caring for one
another. Marriage for Isaac
and for all generations to
follow was not just a
biological relationship. The

Dr. Hertz is rabbi emeritus at
Temple Beth El.

Jewish people gave marriage
a new dimension of sanctity,
of holiness blessed by God.
The home was to be a small
sanctuary, a shrine where
husband and wife could grow
together in a spirit of devotion
and dedication to each other.
The biblical story of Rebek-
kah and Isaac suggests many
thoughts for today on what
makes a successful marriage.
We can learn from these two
figures that the more a couple
have in common, the better
their chance for successful
marriage. The saying that
"unlikes attract" is unsound,
according to sociological
studies. The more interests a
couple have in common the
more similarities they enjoy,
the more they share in social,
economic, cultural and fami-
ly background, the better.
Unlikes should not mate,
for there is a better chance for
happiness if young people
come from the same religious
faith, similar types of family
cultural background, with
common interests, goals and
aspirations, and similar
background in education,
social status and culture.
Marriage is not a contest of
wills to see who will
dominate, but an equal part-
nership in which each should
share and share alike in joys,
as well as sorrows, satisfac-
tions as well as sacrifices.
Differences in marriage are
normal, inevitable, even
healthy. But there is no hurt
that cannot be cured by quiet
talking and communication.
A man doesn't marry a
woman to reform her, but to
make her happy. A woman
doesn't marry a man to
change him, but because she
loves him. Every couple must
know how to settle differences
calmly, patiently, courteously
and with good humor. Heaven
help the couple who fails to
keep their sense of humor!
When all is said and done,
it is not marriage that fails
but people. It takes two to
make a marriage a success or
a failure, as Isaac and Rebek-
kah found out.

Social Group
TO Have Dinner

Temple Beth El Social
Group, men and women, mar-
ried and single, between the
ages of 40 and 55, will hold its
first social, a progressive din-
ner, 5 p.m. Nov. 29.
There is a charge, plus one
dish. For reservations, call
Fayclare Blau, 645-1420, by
Nov. 20.

29107 Northwestern Hwy.

at 12 Mile • Franklin Plaza
Hours: M-F 10-4 p.m.
358-4085

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73rd Annual Dinner

November 22nd

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Call 557-6750 for Reservations

See page 17 for details

