SINGLE LIFE

FIGHT
THE BIG "F"...

YOUR DATELIN E

FURNITURE
FADING

851-0909

When you're not looking, we are!

SOLAR SALES, INC,
5 3 7-7900

Authorized

• a selective referral dating service

Dealer/Applicator

Energy Control Products

ROCHELLE IMBE.R'S

JEWISH SINGLES

855-2114

NEW FALL & WINTER
YARNSIII

LO LA is the only exclusively Jewish

-

Dating Service in Michigan. We have
met thousands of singles in our four
years of existence. Call us for a FREE
interview.

NEEDLEPOINT

626-3042

NEW CANVASSES
DAILY

356-0949

\10-kt1,46 10G0tAVit
0 S.,it\/. '03 5E110t
PLL

P.O. Box 254
Claire Arm
Mildred Rosenbaum Lathrup Village, MI 48076

ORCA-V\g0 .,0
430VP

1988

LEASE
FOR LESS

str
slo /111 ■

IA5

it

11

4

cks

pe r 00.

ACA

9

teoSe

%

WE

•

i‘‘

mow

11111111,-
!LTA

*Lease

pymt. based on approved credit on 48 mos. closed end, 60,000 total mileage w/
6C per mile extra charge. To get total amt. multiply pymt. times 48. Subject to 4% use
tax, 1st mo. in advance, sec. dep. equal to 1st mo. pymt., plate cost extra.

42355 GRAND RIVER

Just East of Novi Rd., Novi

MAR2T
TEW MARC

HOURS
Mon. & Thu.
'tit 9
Tu.. Wed., Fri.
'hi 6
•

96 FIRIDAY±SEPT. .4. 1987

Search

Continued from Preceding page

Scott Peck. Required reading
for Part Three is Co-
Dependent No More by
Melody Beattie.
Kuper-Lachman said that
many people are afraid of
getting close to someone or
of making a commitment
because they are afraid of
self-disclosure. "They fear
that if someone knows their
real self they'll be rejected.
A deeper reason people can't
get close is that they are out
of touch with their own feel-
ings and aren't connected to
their inner self — the part
that has feelings, insights,
vulnerability — and they
don't have that self to share
with others."
In entering a relationship,
she said that people should
have certain expectations.
"Expect the other person to
respect and honor you," she
said. "But first you must
know what your needs are,
honor them, and know
which you can fulfill
yourself. Self-esteem is so
important. You must know
you deserve to be treated
well. A la of people don't
even know that.
"Expectations are dif-
ferent from demands. You
must be willing to drop
`outer' demands — jobs,
looks, income, etc. Instead,
look for a person willing to
take responsibility for grow-
ing and working on their
part in working out the rela-
tionship, look for gentleness.
And in most cases it seems
important to me to give peo-
ple three chances, or dates,
before you make up your
mind that they are not for
you," she said. "People are
real game-y, not real with
each other. They try to hide
behind the mask of the im-
age they think the other
person wants. Give yourself
time to know the other per-
son. Don't think — is this
my partner for life? — is
he/she good in bed? — but
rather — would I want to be
friends with this person?
With the game-y-ness peo-
ple get disillusioned and
hurt. Be your real self."
She also says that people
hang on to unfulfilling rela-
tionships, relationships that
are going nowhere —
because it is a way to avoid
really finding intimacy, of
finding a person who would
really "be there" for you. "It
is a way of hanging onto
your childhood hurt and of
not getting your need met;'

she said. "This is where self-
responsibility comes in. We
must first look at why we
have chosen this person.
What qualities in him/her
are a re-creation of the
childhood hurts we are seek-
ing to overcome? Did we
pick this person for their
resemblance to our more dif-
ficult parent, the one whose
love we are still seeking to
obtain in just the way we
want it? Is it our fantasy
that this time we will be so
wonderful that surely the
love we want will be ours?
"Your parent didn't give
`it' to you — this person
won't. It helps prove your
case against life. Life isn't
going to give 'it' to you. You
can't have what you want. It
gives you somebody to be
mad at, to blame. You think
— if only they'd do 'it,' if on-
ly they'd make a commit-
ment, I'd be happy. If your
parent wasn't there for you,
you might have picked so-
meone who's unavailable, all
the while demanding and
insisting that this time
you're going to make it work
for you.
"And also people's
dependency enters in. They
are afraid to take a risk and
give up something in order
to really find a satisfying
relationship."
While "Regarding Rela-
tionships" classes are design-
ed for women, whether
single or married, the
lessons imparted apply to
men as well and can be ap-
plied to all of one's relation-
ships. In her practice,
Kuper-Lachman counsels
men, women, teens, couples
and families. Most of her
female clients are single,
and she also conducts group
therapy sessions for women.
Kuper-Lachman has a
Bachelor of Arts degree
from the University of
Michigan, a Bachelor of
Social Work degree from Tel
Aviv University and a
master's degree in clinical
and humanistic psychology
from the Merrill Palmer In-
stitute in Detroit (now the
Center for Humanistic
Studies). She also attended
the Institute for Social
Workers' year-long marital
therapy seminar in Israel.
During her seven-year
residence in Israel, she was
affiliated with the Com-
munity Mental Health
Center in Jaffa, where she