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-

The Jewish Community Center Health Club

The Community Network for Jewish Singles

8th Annual

Bar-B-Q

Food
Fun
Festivities
Wednesday, July 29

cocktails at 6:00 p.m.
dinner at 7:00 p.m.

$9/person, $17/couple
Bring a friend.
Purchase tickets in advance at the
Health Club Reception Desk.

661-1000 Ext 301

86

FRIDAY, JULY 24, 1987

In The '80s

Continued from preceding page

comes, and innovative ways
to meet others, there are
many problems faced by
singles today. Even singles
who seem to be successful
find it difficult to meet the
right people. Many feel
alienated and unable to con-
nect with others, especially
those who live in large and
impersonal cities. Shyness
and fear of rejection are com-
mon problems.
In order to fully enjoy being
single, it is necessary for peo-
ple to develop the right set of
social skills. These singles'
skills consist of a number of
learned responses:
Learn to like yourself: It is
true that if you like yourself,
others will like you.
Learn to be resilient: If you
do experience rejection, shrug
it off. The better you feel
about yourself, the less rejec-
tion will affect you.
Learn to enjoy your own
company: There is absoutely
nothing wrong with
sometimes spending time
alone, whether at home, doing
things you enjoy, or going to
a restaurant or a movie on
your own. In fact, each time
you do something on your
own, you increase your feel-
ings of independence and
accomplishment.
Learn to develop your own
hobbies and interests: This
will not only make you a
more interesting person when
you meet others, but it also
allows you to use your own
time in more rewarding ways.
It doesn't hurt for either sex
to learn practical skills, such
as cooking and auto
maintenance.
Learn to initiate projects:
Opportunities usually
develop when a person takes
the action necessary to make
things happen. This means
not always waiting for
another person to make the
first move. For instance,
there is nothing wrong with
a woman asking a man out
for dinner or a movie.
By learning to function as
an independent, motivated
individual, a man or a woman
can lead a fuller personal life
and can become a more in-
teresting person to meet. It
also means that a single per-
son takes the initiative in
developing a network of good
friends. This network can in-
clude people of both sexes,
married and single, in dif-
ferent age groups. With such
friends, a person can share
ideas and activities, as well as
gaining mutual support dur-
ing good and bad times.
The most common concern
of singles today is to meet so-
meone who attracts them and

with whom they are compati-
ble. This raises the question
of what qualities make a per-
son attractive. In his book,
How To Find the Love of Your
Life by Ben Dominitz, the
author says that one of the
definitions of the word "at-
tractive" is to draw to oneself.
To be attractive, a person
must develop characteristics
that draw other people to him
or to her.
Basically, if you feel good
about yourself and others feel
good when they are around
you, this will make you more
attractive. This will lead to
greater success in meeting
the desirable people you are
looking for.
Meeting someone suitable
should not be left to chance.
In fact, you have a much bet-
ter chance of meeting so;
meone if you go to places fre-
quented by singles, instead of
sitting at home. These in-
clude dances, parties and
nightclubs for singles. In
social situations, don't put
pressure on yourself to meet

It doesn't hurt for
either sex to
learn practical
skills, such as
cooking and auto
maintenance.

others. Instead, enjoy the pro-
cess of meeting other people,
without expecting to meet the
right person every time. You
may even meet someone you
like when you least expect it.
Since there are a number of
ways for singles to meet, take
advantage of the different op-
portunities available. Develop
a plan of action which in-
cludes one or more of the
following options:
Singles clubs and organiza-
tions: These clubs offer a
variety of activities designed
for meeting a large number of
people at one time. Some of
these clubs are organized
through community institu-
tions, such as synagogues or
the Jewish Community
Center.
Introduction and dating
services: An introduction ser-
vice can be a good way to
meet others, especially for
people who are extremely
busy with their careers, shy
or newcomers to a city. It is
important to go to a reputable
introduction service, which
means one that encourages a
personal rapport between the
client and the staff. Before
you register, make sure that
you have asked all of the im-
portant questions: the costs