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Call or write
LO-LA
The Dating Program
Claire Ann
Mildred Rosenbaum
",,„American Head
Association
P.O. Box 254
Lathrop Village, MI 48075
WE'RE FIGHTING FOR YOUR LIFE
356-0949
Marla Feldman
1987 Nova 4-Dr.
Stock #6873
$
HOURS
Moe. I Thu.
•111 9
Tu., Wed.. Ftl..
10 I
88
Friday, June 12, 1987
THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS
6 88*
16 available
at similar discounts
Detroit have left the se-
curity of the family unit.
Career moves may lead to a
family being fragmented in
various cities around the
country. The sense of identity
and acceptance that a family
can normally provide is ab-
sent for many singles as they
develop new lives in a differ-
ent location. And it is this
lack of family unit, even
where internal friction oc-
curs, that can be part of the
loneliness a single adult can
experience.
In situations where the
family is available to the
single, it plays a meaningful
role. Holidays can be very
painful, and empty, without
an adequate support system,
without a place in which to
share the rituals, and in
which to have a specific role.
The family is basic to
Judaism, and family values
are stressed.
But for those whose
families are around them,
and the relationships are
healthy, the single can find
acceptance and involvement.
One such is Sandy M., a di-
vorced mother of two teena-
gers. She has thfee sisters
with whom she spends quite
a bit of time.
"We manage to get to-
gether often, and usually
spend the Jewish holidays to-
gether. They are there if I
need them. I avoid depression
by getting together with my
family, or going out with my
kids."
Family, of course, is not
the only means a single adult
has of warding off loneliness.
Friends, romantic relation-
ships, careers, a busy social
life, religion and communal
involvement can be effective
tools for keeping the hours
filled.
"If you have some normal
sense of supports, if you have
one friend, lean on that
friend," says Goldfein. "Use
the people you have around
you, whom you do trust,
whom you are close to, and
let them help you through
the lonely times. We all tend
to try and be as self-sufficient
as possible, and a lot of us
have a lot of trouble in really
developing relationships
where we let others help us."
Sandy M. said she believes
in the importance of friend-
ship. "You need someone to
`run with'. Someone' who has
spontaneity, with a time
schedule similar to yours. In
a way I'm like a single par-
ent without children because
mine are teenagers ... I don't
have to worry about taking_
care of a five-year-old, so a
lot of my time is my own."
Work fills in much of a
single's day. Job satisfaction
and long hours can be enough
for many people. But for
others, there is something
missing.
Rebecca Goldbaum, of
Southfield, puts in a 55-hour
work, week as the finance
manager of a car dealership,
and believes in keeping her-
self extremely busy when she
is away from the work situa-
tion."
"I work at a tough job.
Sometimes I think I have ev-
erything but then I stop and
wonder if I really do. I can
travel whenever I want, shop
whenever I want, but I would
someday like the responsibil-
ity of marriage. am a career
woman, but the job I'm in has
a high burnout rate. The
hours are long and the stress
constant. From time to time I
consider a change."
Busy is what Goldbaum
certainly is She recently be-
came active in the Young
Adult Division of the Jewish
Welfare Federation; she is on
several committees and is
active in politics. Her mother
is a city councilperson, and is
up for re-election later this
year, so Goldbaum will be
highly involved with the
campaign. Travelling is a
hobby of hers, and recently
she took herself to Toronto
for a weekend. Last October
she went on a cruise to South
America, and is planning to
-go on a Federation mission to
Israel during the summer.
Rabbi Efry Spectre of Adat
Shalom Synagogue in Far-
mington Hills, takes another
tack. "When a person comes
to me and expresses a need to
integrate into the commu-
nity, usually it is someone
who's not a native Detroiter,
and is finding it difficult to
work his or her way into the
community. The person has
come for a job, and we try to
plug into whatever is avail-
able.
"It depends on the interests
of the person. I don't suggest
working just for the sake of
working. Working isn't going
to solve all the problems. If
the person is interested in
the community, perhaps get-
ting involved in the Anti-
Defamation League, the B'nai
B'rith, or something — there
are plenty of organizations in
the community. If the person
is athletic, there's the Jewish
Center. If he or she is coming
to a rabbi instead of going di-
rectly to one of those, perhaps
the person is trying to find
some kind of expression
through, religion."
Involvement in a cause,
volunteering, committee
work, all can be very
stimulating and positive out-
lets for singles. According to
Goldfein, "Being involved
with a cause can be good for
some people. It may mean
you are interrelating with
other people, and you get a
lot of 'stroking', satisfaction,
for it. People say, 'Isn't he/she
wonderful?' You have status
with people, you have a sense