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February 06, 1987 - Image 85

Resource type:
The Detroit Jewish News, 1987-02-06

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

ments and last week two Detroit
television stations, WXYZ and
WDIV, began running ads for the
prophylactic devices. And, because of
the AIDS scare, Newsweek magazine
reports the familiar singles bar,
pick-up scene is becoming a thing of
the past. "The old singles-bars
routine has fallen victim to fears of
AIDS, herpes and a lifetime of unful-
filling one-night stands."
Singles have good reason to fear
the spread of STDs. In an article by
Carolyn Jabs in Self magazine, a
chart detailed a frightening yearly
increase of each of the major STDs'
chlamydia, 4.6 million; gonorrhea,
1.8 million; genital warts, 1 million;
herpes,.500,000; syphilis, 90,000; and
AIDS, 16,000. She, too, has taken up
the call for sexually active singles to
take precautions.
Dr. Claire Lipten observes an-
other trend. A marital family
therapist and behavioral scientist

Continued on next page

"A relationship of
exclusivity is becoming
more the practice." —Dr.
Claire Lipten



O '

Bill Pugliano

■ -•

to the participants." And, he adds, may find out whether or not he/she guidelines: Let the children know
that when love has reached its pinna- really likes the other person. And she
what's happening; prepare the chil-
cle, when one feels the need to tell the adds, "postponing sex also leaves dren for the new adult in their lives;
world how much in love he/she is, both partners hungry for more, in- allow yourself to have an "adult" so-
that need is stifled by the fact that stead of feeling 'Is that all there is?' "
cial life; teach the children to respect
nobody wants to announce that
Single parents find another ket- your privacy, but respect theirs as
he/she is having relations outside of tle of fish with which to deal when it well; and "help your child see you as
marriage. He remarks: "While love is comes to sex. In addition to taking an individual."
a private matter, it does not reach its responsibility for contraception,
But what about singles who
fullness unless it is publicly ex- waiting for the right person and the chose to be sexually active? What are
pressed . . . Whatever inhibits the right time, they also have to contend their concerns? Have they curtailed
full avowal of love, forces it to dis- with the other parent changing his or their activities?
semble or makes it surreptitious, her plans, finding a babysitter, stay-
Apparently, it is the fear of con-
constricts the relationship and im- ing overnight or having the lover tracting the AIDS (acquired immune
pugns its quality. Love that is•limited stay overnight, their needs vs. their
deficiency syndrome) virus that is
is love in chains."
changing the way singles — Jewish
children's needs and dealing with
Arthur Green, writing in the their children's reactions to a new and non-Jewish — practice sex. More
Second.Jewish Catalog: Sources and lover. Dr. Mary Mattis, author of Sex
and more, sexually active singles are
Resources, edited by Sharon and the Single Parent, offers some looking to means of protection and
are more particular about how often
Strassfeld and Michael Strassfeld, of- advice • to parents confronted with
fers a relaxed view about sex for con- this dilemma:
they have relations and with whom.
temporary Jews. Should persons who
First, she says, don't ignore your Even the media has taken up the
are single now because of divorce or adults needs. Doing so will make you charge to warn singles and others
widowhood, who had the benefit of a upset and it will be difficult to deal about protecting themselves against
loving relationship while married, with your own daily problems and AIDS. Women's magazines are cur-
now be deprived of it because they are your children. Rather, follow these rently carrying condom advertise-
unattached? And what about singles
who were never married? Should
their biological/sexual needs be de-
nied as well? According to Green,
there is an answer, devised by a
rabbi, that may allow singles to meet
their sexual desires without the fear
of finger-pointing, criticism or defa-
"It is clear that we cannot advo-
cate celibacy for all who are not in
W';V'A.141z . ':$VZ,•,:' ,...,,MagektVer
love. Given the world in which we
.p. .,
live, they would simply ignore such 4.:;10g.::•;:::'AV,e....I'Di.Ft..ligitglIR.*-i :::::oN,:::::.a.,-J";:.'"",N:ftt.. , , ::'w.,:aipm,...':,,
pious pronouncements, rightly not-
:s.: 0.1.''%iii:Arti4:::0200fingt4Aggetek*VAM
ing that it is usually the self-
righteousness of the happily married
that stands behindthem living in a
world where we cannot advocate
either ideal sex or no sex as the alter-
natives. What we must begin to
evolve is a sliding scale of sexual val-
The scale, created by Rabbi Zal-
man Schachter, puts the ultimate
loving relationship at the top. At the
bottom, one would find destructive
sex — rape — unfeeling, unconsent-
ing sexuality. In the middle, is a rela-
tionship of two consenting adults gr i NSIN K ti: O W,
"treating one another with decency,
fulfilling the biological aspects of one
another's love-needs, while making
no pretense at deeper intimacy."
According to Rabbi Borowitz,
persons entering into a sexual rela-
tionship should take several factors
into consideration: men and women
have a basic need for sexual satisfac-
tion; each partner should be freely
committed to participate in sexual
relations (mutual consent); love,
sharing or mutual benefit should be
apparent; and ultimately, marriage
should be the proper forum.
Sexual intercourse, Borowitz
adds, should be reserved for special
relationships. And in getting in-
volved sexually, singles should re-
gard their partners as whole persons
and not just for their "sexual aspects.
If they (men and women) are not con-
cerned with each other as persons,
but only as sex partners, they are
treating each other as 'its' and thus,
despite their free consent to the in-
tercourse, are being unethical to each
other as full human beings."
Carolyn Jabs in an article in Self
Magazine, states that by waiting, one

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