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January 16, 1987 - Image 92

Resource type:
The Detroit Jewish News, 1987-01-16

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Interfaith Dating

Continued from Page 88

her imagination

You are cordially invited to the wedding event of the year on
February 13 — The Jewish News' elegant and informative Bri-
dal issue.

Our brides-to-be and their families will welcome with open
arms your advertising presence — for exquisite fashions, roman-
tic honeymoon destinations, catering services, floral ar-
rangements, entertainment, invitations, photography and so
much more.

And you'll be in great company.

This colorful, easy-to-keep and hard-to-put-down issue will be
the largest and most successful in the metropolitan Detroit
area. It will be referred to again and again as bride and groom
get closer to that special day.

So RSVP by January 26 through your Jewish News account
executive or call 354-6060. It's an affair you won't want to miss!



Friday, January 16, 1987


again. Or you call a friend, and
if they aren't going you decide
not to go. You can't give up and
not try. It's better than sitting
home doing nothing and com-
plaining to friends.
"A lot of singles dwell on
their unhappiness because
they are disappointed. It be-
comes a vicious cycle. Be op-
timistic and don't get your
hopes up too high."
Bernie B. said he has seen
some men at singles activities
"act like real creeps to the
women. These women aren't
going to tend to come back," he
said. "Especially for shyer
women, this could really be a
Doreen S. said she rarely
dated Jewish men because she
found them too boring and only
interested in making a lot of
money. She and her husband, a
Catholic, postponed making a
decision on the upbringing of
their children until the eldest
was old enough to begin He-
brew school. Her husband,
Jerry, said they felt pressure
from both sets of parents to es-
tablish a religion for the chil-
dren. Each Passover, he and an
Episcopalian friend who is also
married to a Jew, conduct a
Seder in English for the two
families. Jerry said that win-
ning over the parents was cru-
cial to the success of an inter-
faith relationship.
While there is criticism that
there are too few events for
singles in this area, such as
weekend ski trips and similar
outings, the people who plan
these events are often frus-
trated because they say the
singles procrastinate about de-
ciding to attend. With events
such as these there is a lot of
advance planning and finan-
cial outlay involved, and plan-
ners can't wait until the last
minute to see if the singles
found dates for that weekend
or if they decided to go on the
"The Jewish community has
not done enough to provide
meaningful and appropriate
opportunities, meeting places
and programs for Jewish
people of marriageable age to
meet in an atmosphere of
warmth, respect and dignity,"
said Rabbi Groner. "We have
provided for many areas of our
communal need with respect to
education and care of the el-
derly. But I hear from parents
and unmarrieds alike that we
haven't done enough for un-
marrieds. These unmet needs
are of such enormous conse-
quence to the future of the
Jewish community."
Rabbi Groner suggested that
the organized Jewish commu-
nity establish a special com-
mittee to take inventory of all
the singles programs in met-
ropolitan Detroit, take an in-
quiry about the efficacy of
them and make recom-
mendations for improving
ways to meet the needs of
single Jews. He said the com-
mittee should be comprised of
rabbis, singles, representa-
tives from the Jewish Center

and others who have worked in
this area of concern.
"The committee should come
together with new ideas, new
resources and perhaps a new
department," he said. "What-
ever we have is not enough."
Anti-Semitism was cited as
another problem associated
with interfaith dating. Singles
said that vulnerability to
anti-Semitism arises when you
allow yourself to become closer
to non-Jews in a social setting,
and that eventually some
anti-Semitic statement comes
Rabbi Shaiall Zachariash of
Cong. Shomrey Emunah said
that interfaith dating is the
glaring result of the lack of
transmission of positive
Jewish values and education
by parents. "Parents must
teach younger and older chil-
dren to appreciate their heri-
tage and what it requires of
them," he said. "It's only a per-
son who appreciates and
understands Judaism with a
knowledge of it, who will feel
strongly against dating non-
"There are only two reasons
to date," he continued. "One,
the excitement of going on a
date, and two, the possibility of
dating leading to matrimony.
If a person understands that
intermarriage is forbidden
then s/he wouldn't go on a date
with the idea it might possibly
lead to matrimony. It wouldn't
work. Then if the person con-
siders going just for the ex-
citement of the date, and
understands that the excite-
ment can create problems for
them down the line, they would
also avoid going on dates out of
the faith.
"In the Orthodox community
we demand a greater commit-
ment, so these kinds of prob-
lems are reduced. But it is af-
fecting more homes of promi-
nent families, so people are
concerned," he said.
"People are going to have
guilt feelings about interfaith
dating," he said. "Their rea-
sons for it are just rationaliza-
tions. Parents should not only
give their children a religious
education, but show them that
they are proud and happy
about it. If transmitted with
love and commitment, the
teachings are more lasting and
meaningful." ❑

Singles Plan
Games Night

B'nai B'rith Michigan Sing-
les will have a games night at
7:30 p.m. Sunday at the B'nai
B'rith Building, 25835 South-
field, Southfield.
There is an admission fee,
and participants must bring a
nominally-priced gift. Re-
freshments will be served.
Everyone is welcome.
For information, call Edith
Ellis, 559-7547; or Betty
Brach, 476-6297.

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