SINGLE

JEWISH SINGLES

Orthodox And Single

Continued from preceding page

TRY THIS QUIZ

Answer YES or NO

❑ 1. Are you interested in meeting new
people?
❑ 2. Is meeting someone Jewish impor-
tant to you?
❑ 3. Do you have a strong sense of
self-worth?
❑ 4. Are you tired of the bar scene?
111 5. Are the people at work married or
ineligible?
III 6. Are you adventurous and a bit of a
gambler?
❑ 7. Are you new to the area?
E 8. have you been "fixed up" over
and over?
❑ 9. Would you like a "shopper" to
enhance your social life?
111 10. Have you been thinking about
joining LO-LA?

If you answered yes 8-10 times call us at
once for a free interview.

If you answered yes 5-8 times write to us
for more information.

If you answered yes 3-5 times call or
write us at your convenience.

If you answered yes 0-3 times — thanks
for taking our quiz. If you are curious, we
would like to meet you.

We are

LO-LA,

THE DATING PROGRAM FOR
JEWISH SINGLES

Claire Arm
Millie Rosenbaum

356-0949

P.O. Box 254
Lathrup Village, MI 48076

i

j

.....m. ■■ ••• ■ •,

74

Friday, January 9, 1987

THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS

ducive to a successful attempt
at finding a suitable partner
with whom to spend the rest of
one's life. An Orthodox single
is looking for different pre-
requisites in a marriage part-
ner than perhaps may be found
in a casual encounter at a
party.
What are those prerequis-
ites, and how does an Orthodox
single go about finding the
right person if normal dating
procedures are not followed?
There are several pos-
sibilities the single can pursue.
One avenue is that of learning.
The community always has
classes, seminars, and lectures
of Jewish interest that anyone
can attend, and who knows, a
chance encounter can occur.
Then, of course, there's the in-
troduction . . . you know the
one . . . "I must introduce you
to my second cousin's best
friend. You'd really like him/
her." A prospect that can chill
the listener's heart after one or
two negative experiences.
Yenta apparently knew a lit-
tle about psychology. She and
others who came before and
after her, realized that being
forewarned can spare a lot of
heartbreak later on, particu-
larly if Mr. Right turns out to
be Mr. Wrong when a little
more is known about him. And
so, the concept of a shidduch
(match) became feasible.
Sidduch is a match or-
ganized by a person, the
matchmaker or shadchan, who
takes into account the family
background, the religious af-
filiation, the educational
background, the trade or pro-
fession, personal likes and dis-
likes, and goals of both parties
concerned. Not exactly com-
puter dating, but the concept of
thorough research is very im-
portant before two people are
even introduced.
There are many rabbis and
their wives in the Orthodox
community with a vested
interest in seeing singles hap-
pily married. Among them is
Rabbi Meilech Silberberg of
Cong. Bais Chabad of West
Bloomfield.
"I guess everyone has their
own modus operandi. I believe
in the old approach of match-
making. The Lubavitch
movement has the `Shidduch
Network'. The Lubavitch has
outposts in 200 cities in the
United States, and we get to-
gether periodically. Obviously,
when we bring someone closer
to Judaism — a young adult,
any single adult — one of our
first priorities is to try to have
them meet people who we feel
are best suited for each other.
I'm a firm believer in the shid-
duch approach.
"The idea of a shidduch is,
first and foremost, you don't
just meet someone casually.
You meet someone and the ob-
ject is matrimony. Therefore,
you can cut out the unneces-
sary trivialities that usually
occur in a casual setting. It is
not a casual setting — it's a
serious one.
"Many times I'll have people

Orthodox singles like Susan Broder and David Kruger meet other
singles in classes.

coming in from different com-
munities — Cleveland,
Chicago, Toronto — sleeping at
my house for a Shabbat, a
weekend. They might meet
someone from our local area for
the first time over Shabbat
dinner, but then they'll go out
and hopefully spend a number
of hours together, and get down
to the serious talk of what they
want in life through marriage
and after marriage."
Silberberg continued:
"It really needn't take long. I
personally decided that my
wife was the one for me after
meeting her seven times. Each
time we met for five or six
hours. We went to various
areas, such as the airport,
where we talked and talked,
and we knew the object was
matrimony. You are trying to
find someone you feel very
comfortable with,
personality-wise.
"You see, all the prerequis-
ites are dealt with through the
shadchan. If someone is in-
terested in a person from a cer-
tain type of family, in someone
with a particular type of looks
— all these things are worked
out by the shadchan. Even the
refusal is taken care of by the
matchmaker, meaning that if
after several times they meet
and they decide they are not
interested in each other, they
don't have to face the other
person and say, 'Let's not con-
tinue this.' It's done through
the shadchan, through myself,
my wife. This makes everyone
comfortable.
"This is one of the advan-
tages of a shidduch. The re-
fusal can be taken care of by
the people themselves person-
ally, but in my experience,
most people don't want to do it
that way. This is the 'old' ap-
proach," explains Silberberg.
The "Shidduch Network" is
an organization based in Min-
nesota which aims to match up
Shabbat-observant Jewish
singles around the United
States. The interested parties

are required to begin with a
questionnaire that covers facts
such as age, education and per-
sonal qualities. The person fil-
ling in the questionnaire must
designate a friend or counselor
who, in turn, will be informed
of any other counselors, in
their community or another,
who may know of an appropri-
ate shidduch possibility.
After
the
counselor/
shadchan has had a chance to
decide if the proposed shidduch
candidate is suitable, then
names and phone numbers can
be exchanged. The network is a
non-profit organization, and it
only charges a small fee for
membership. It is a variation
on the old-fashioned match-
maker idea, but it incorporates
the concept of the inter-
mediaries knowing the singles
involved.
Rabbi Jacobovitz adds, "The
system of a shidduch doesn't
backfire as many people might
believe. Longevity and strong
marriages are much more the
result than in other methods of
finding a partner. You see, we
eliminate the problems.
"Dating in the Orthodox
manner, in the traditional old-
fashioned way, emphasizes the
individual's personality. No
direct physical affection is
shown, oily respect. You get to
know the person as a human
being, and not as a sex object. It
gives you a chance to build up a
relationship, and understand
the other person. It's not that
physical contact is to be
avoided in marriage, on the
contrary. But there's a proper
time and place for it, and for
pure motives. Love has to come
first from give and take, not
just from taking."
The Orthodox singles them-
selves find Detroit a difficult
city in which to meet others.
There are several obvious rea-
sons for this situation. One
overriding phenomenon is that
the size of the Orthodox popu-
lation is not large, and because
the adults tend to marry fairly