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104

Friday, December 12, 1986 THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS

When The
Occasion Arises
Dependability
Is Utmost!
You Can Always
Rely On

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F

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SINGLE

Dating In The '80s

Coneinued from Page 103

do the singles see it chang-
ing? Smith said he believes
that neither the man or
woman should have a "fixed
role." According to Dr. West,
the men should "be them-
selves. They should be a
friend. They should try and
make the other person think
you're a nice guy, even if you
have no intention of going
out with them again."
Kellman sees the man's
role in dating, not as an ag-
gressor, but as "a nice person.
Men want women to care for
them, listen to them and
share their aspirations. Men
are getting more in touch
with their feelings."
Odom., however, said she
believes men are still having
trouble reconciling them-
selves to women being asser-
tive and asking them out.
"Intellectually they may
want it, but when it happens
it catches them off guard
until the relationship is sol-
idified." Generally, she said,
men still follow a traditional
road, 'taking care of women
100 percent."
After the initial asking is
done, where do these singles
go on a date? Dr. West, 26,
usually takes his dates out
for chimer, especially on the
first date. Or, the Southfield
podiatrist will take his date
to a place new to both of
them. Komisar, 30, a spe-
cialist in management of in-
formation systems, said
where she goes on dates de-
pends on the season. In
winter, she likes to go to
dinner or the movies. In
summer, Bob-Lo and the
lakes are her thing. Smith,
27, an engineer at Chrysler
Motors, said he takes his
dates to dinner or a movie,
but "I would try and pick
something both.like to do."
Often, the opportunity
arises to go out with someone
who is not Jewish. On inter-
faith dating, the singles were
divided. Rosenberg sees it as
problematic. "Interfaith dat-
ing complicates a relation-
ship. They're complicated
without it! It creates a lot of
unnecessary stress." Komisar
agreed. "There are so many
complications. For me, it's
important to marry or date
someone who is Jewish.
There are a lot of problems
when you get married to
begin with. When you marry
out of the faith you have two
strikes against you."
Yet, Dr. West and Smith
disagreed, conditionally. Dr.
West said he thinks that
everyone should have the ex-
perience of interfaith dating
"at least once. I don't want to
say to myself what could've
been." However, when it
comes to marriage, he'll
marry a Jewish woman. "It's
really important. Too much
can go wrong by getting too
serious dating out of the
faith." Smith said it was all
right to date non-Jews, but
"if things become serious,
then you must come to grips

with which religious direction
you want as a couple."
Another topic on the minds
of singles as they date is sex.
What with the "free love"
and "make love, not war"
chants of the 60s and the
sexual freedoms continued
into the 1970s, singles still
feel that it has an important
place in their lives, but it's
got to be with the right per-
son, at the right time and the
right place.
"When the feelings are
right and the location is right
then there's nothing wrong
with it," Smith asserts. Dr.
West takes a similar tack.
"Sex doesn't make or break a
relationship. It's important
that you don't abuse it. It's
important for two people to
have enough in common with
each other to be at a point
where both parties know
where the other one's at.
Don't push expectations on
the other person." Rosenberg
said both parties should feel
comfortable. For Komisar, "I
have to feel something for the
person and the person has to
feel something for me."
Levick said lovemaking on
a date is an individual deci-
sion, but warns singles not to
rush into it. "If (the dating
relationship) moves too
quickly as a sexual
encounter, it will remain a
sexual encounter. If you stay
out of sex, the relationship
has more of a chance to de-
velop into a good relation-
ship." Kenn:Ian advises sing-
les to do what they're com-
fortable with, but doesn't
think getting involved too
quickly is a good idea. "If you
can't be friends with someone
and they with you, then a
sexual relationship is out of
the question." But, he adds,
that a sexual relationship
adds "a bond of intimacy that
everyone is looking for."
Odom looks at sex and dat-
ing another way. If both
partners just need to have
sex, then as long as it's
"safe," she approves. But, if
one just wants sex and the
other just wants intimacy,
"then both needs have to be
respected and acknowledged."
According to Newsweek mag-
azine, sex is becoming less
important on the dating
scene, because of the AIDS
epidemic. "As the AIDS
threat grows, the mating call
is no longer 'free love,' but
`safety first.' Indeed, one re-
sponse to the AIDS threat is
to become celibate."
What advice can be given
to singles who date? From
Rick Chambers, a former
Dallas, Tex., real-estate
salesman and gold-and-
diamond dealer who conducts
seminars on dating, come
these words:
"Never take a person out to
dinner on the first date.
Make it lunch or brunch, and
plan on spending no more
than two hours. Dinners that
drag on into the night are too