SINGLE
Love Me,
ove My
SANDRA MAURER
Special to The Jewish News
Larry Rosenberg, his son, Benjamin, and friend Karen Basch play a spirited card game together.
According to the latest
statistics, one out of every
five Jewish families is
headed by a single person.
In the majority of cases,
the head of the household
is a woman. Although
they no longer have a
mate, these singles have a
family. Their children
depend on them, demand a
lot of their time and
energy wad are number
one on their list of
priorities.
Being a single parent
has two separate aspects
— being single and being
a parent. A problem arises
when the two are meshed
together and magnified.
When a single parent does
meet a potential partner,
most agree that the
hardest part of dating is
deciding to what degree to
involve one's children.
Prospective mates must
then learn to deal with
the children's jealousy of
sharing the parent, the
children's interaction with
the absent parent,
babysitters and the
sensitive question of
spending the night with
the family.
The following is about
such single parents. All
are categorized as such by
the definition of their
status, but their situations
are all different. The
common factor is that all
are learning to overcome
the obstacles that are
confronting them.
Barb Chisik, 43, of
Southfield has been single
for 11 years. Her three
daughters are now grown
and only one still lives at
home. In the beginning, I
found that being a single
parent was very difficult
with small children. I
made up my mind in those
early years that I wasn't
even remotely interested
in getting remarried. I
was more interested in
channeling my efforts into
a career and raising the
kids. At that time, I
thought the success factor
of a second marriage was
minimal because I didn't
have the time to devote to
that aspect.
"I never really involved
the kids that heavily with
anyone that I dated
because there was such a
parade that I didn't want
them to be exposed. I set
up perimeters when I first
became single that no one
stayed the night. I have
three girls and, yes, it did
put a definite damper on
Being
a parent
and single
can be
problematic
for single
parents
who date
the sexual aspect of a
relationship."
In retrospect, Chisik
notes, "I find that the
majority of men I
gravitated toward were
also men who had
experienced parenting."
She found these men
supportive of her in her
own parenting role.
"When there was a
deeper, heavier
relationship, of course, my
children became involved
in it. They were very
astute as to their
perceptions of what was
happening and whether or
not they liked or disliked
someone.
"Basically,
I'm
a
packaged deal. I have
three kids and my kids
happen to be very, very
important. While they're
not the ones to make the
final decision regarding a
relationship, I do take
their viewpoint into
consideration.
"Now that the kids are
older, off on different
tangents and a little more
established, I am
definitely thinking in a
different vein. I have more
time now to concentrate
on my life."
Les Lunsky, 48, of West
a
is
Bloomfield
non-custodial father of two
children: a daughter, 21
and a son, 18. He has been
divorced for seven years.
Lunsky said he feels
that being a single parent
has been hard 'because
I've always felt
responsible for my
children. There have been
a lot of major decisions
that have had to be made
and there's a lot of things
that I'd like to bounce off
someone about what's
going on with my
children. I have had to
make a lot of decisions on
my own.
"Dating is easy with the
children not living with
me. I haven't really had to
confront the decisions
about having someone
stay over and don't have
to worry about my
children being involved in
it. On the other hand, I
haven't done a lot of
dating so I feel that my
children sometimes feel
responsible for my
happiness. They'll try to
get me to go out with
someone or check up on
me and it's probably
somewhat of a burden to
them."
Continued on Page 100