y
ou're an unmarried
American Jew bet-
ween the ages of 26
and 38 and you're considering
aliyah. One of the most im-
portant factors in the decision
has to be, will I have an in-
teresting social life and are
my prospects for marriage
good? The new immigrant
gives up the company of
friends he or she has known
for years and must dive into
unfamiliar social waters. Is
the trip to the beach going to
be worth it?
As a 12-year veteran of
Jerusalem's singles scene, the
following "study" is not
scientific. Rather it is full of
generalizations based on per-
sonal experience. But it does
attempt to be an honest guide
to the singles jungle in
Israel's capital city which is
home to the country's largest
American community.
One must understand that
the American community in
Jerusalem is similar in nature
to the Jewish community of
a comparably sized American
city. Joined by common
background and united by
English language activities,
the community of Americans
sticks together. Russian or
Argentinian immigrant com-
munities also stick together
but assimilation is more com-
plete since, let's face it, it's an
English-speaking _world.
The idealistic immigrant
arrives believing that he will
never be so parochial as to
identify with an immigrant
community. He will shed his
American past and meld into
the Zionist dream. If he
comes at a young enough age,
he might still be fresh enough
to accept a whole new culture
and language as his own.
However, most Americans
never shed their accents, and
none the common denomi-
nator of having grown up in
the atmosphere of the most
dynamic culture in the world.
They found American com-
pany the most comfortable of
all to be with and hence, a
community was formed.
New, new immigrants are
terribly unwanted at the par-
ties of veterans. For one
thing, there's no certainty
they'll really stay so why
start up with him or her and
then have to iron out all those
Jerusalem's
Singles Scene
The following study is totally subjective
and unscientific. But it does attempt to
be an honest guide to Jerusalem's singles
BARRY CHAMISH
Special to The Jewish News
early adjustment blues.
Moreover, female im-
migrants seem to have a par-
ticular problem. Early in the
immigration process, women
often go through something
known as the DIB stage,
which is short for "Dirty
Israeli B astard."
Immigrants are in a
vulnerable position. Every-
thing is new and the haunting
specter of their life's choice
terrifies them. Many
American immigrants move
to Israel after a divorce or
separation just because a
drastic move might purge the
old system of memories.
Thus, the immigrant seeks
something either to replace
the memories or to cling to in
this confusing time. Of
course, a good man is the
answer and you know how
hard they are to find.
Solvent, desirable Israeli
men often marry Israeli
women. And most Israeli men
are decent. But the im-
migrant is not likely to meet
the decent majority because
out there, preying upon their
weaknesses, are low-life
Israeli men who often smell
"green cards" to America and
cushy jobs if they play their
cards right.
Most of the time, they do
not play their hand all the
way since the immigrant is
still fresh from America,
where the men she knew had
been trained by feminism to
attempt to show sensitivity
even if it hurts. Israeli men,
especially those looking for
an easy American money con-
nection, come from the
Mideastern world, where
women do have roles and men
are men. "What gives her the
right to be so uppity?" they
think. "It must be that she
has lots of money"
But one failure does not
deter the earnest new im-
migrant. Her solution to
loneliness is in the next man
who shows some interest. She
won't be fooled again — until
she is fooled again. After a
series of romantic disasters,
she is convinced all Israeli
men are DIBs. She is wrong
but, as a reaction, she starts
to take part in more and more
activities with other
Americans. Now she will
build a true social life the
hard way, slowly and with
discretion. But until she feels
secure about her life, scars
left over from the DIB stage
make her distrustful of men.
By the end of the third year,
the immigrant will likely have
made enough real friends to
join the social life of the city's
American singles. By then,
it's clear he will be sticking
around, has done his army
service and is a true
American-Israeli.
But joining American
singles has plusses and
minuses. He is in a communi-
ty where everyone knows
each other's business, and
where an unsavory reputation
could break him socially.
On the other hand, he is
part of a society that urges
marriage far more urgently
than in America, and that is
suspicious of aging single
people. The sole raison d'etre
of Jerusalem's singles scene is
to get everyone in it married
off for good. And, indeed,
there are many singles —
dropouts from the singles
scene in the United States —
who found their mates at an
Israeli party. But there is a
hardcore group that just can-
not seem to find the right per-
son no matter how many par-
ties they attend. Here is
where ego plays a big role.
Let us characterize an im-
migrant as a person of
courage, adventure and confi-
dence. Packing up and start-
ing all over again in a foreign
country is not an act of the
weak-willed or complacent.
The homebody would never