iJ /-- That may be an extreme case, but how about the rabbinical student who took his fiancee to a kosher restaurant, asked her to order and, after she did, told the waiter he was not eating. "I wouldn't eat here," he told his confus- ed wife-to-be, "because I don't trust their supervision. I just wanted to see if you'd eat here." The bottom line, though few choose to dwell on it, is that one of the ra- tionales for keeping kosher is that it separates Jews from non-Jews and non- observant Jews. When you can't eat with someone, how close can you get? Still, there are those who feel you can adhere to the law without offen- ding those who do not. Blu Greenberg, in her book, elaborates on ways for observant Jews to take precautions and still dine with non-kosher friends or associates, either in their homes or at restaurants. The procedures call for ordering certain dairy foods prepared to specifications and served on paper plates with plastic cutlery. While noting that some observant Jews would still object, Greenberg reasons that "the purpose of kashrut is to make eating a special experience and to serve as a reminder of a Jew's ethical conscience as well as of the other unique teachings of Judaism. To me, distinctiveness but not separation is the Jew's calling. This feeling is possible in the presence of nonobservant Jews and of non-Jews. The values of friendship, human solidarity, and socializing are highly esteemed Jewish values; making a living and exchanging professional service (sometimes performed over a meal) also are respected in Jewish culture. "One of the great qualities of the Jewish tradition," she continues, "is its ability to balance contradictions — idealism and realism, Jewish par- ticularism and unusual concern for humanity. Similarly, in the act of eating, one can strike that balance bet- ween fidelity to one's own principles and shared friendship and respectful contact with others." People who keep kosher are too often put on the defensive by those who see kashrut as an ancient, archaic way of life that simply does not mesh with modernity. Long, eloquent answers on the spiritual benefits of adhering to the rituals may not be convincing. But the truth is that most people who keep kosher do so simply because it is a mitzvah of the Torah. They believe that by monitoring what they eat and do not eat they are constantly remind- ing themselves of God's gifts as they seek to follow His ways. Savoring A Depression Kitchen BEATRICE KANIGEL Special to the Jewish News T he everyday meals my mother produced were masterpieces. She made everything from scratch, took no end of trou- ble and believed firmly in the best in- gredients money could buy. She'd dicker furiously over the price of a winter coat, but there was no stinting in what - went into her cooking. "You start with the best:' she'd say. Yet "waste" was a naughty word we all learned early, and everything was inven- tively, and deliciously, used up. Was the milk slightly off? A cup of flour, a pair of eggs, a dollop of sour cream, and before you knew it, a luscious batch of sour milk pancakes for breakfast, top- ped with honey. From the time I was ten, it was my job almo;t every afternoon to go to the grocery. My mother usually had a list prepared. In an excess of juvenile pride, I refused to take it with me. I'd use all the tricks I could think of to fix the items in my memory. Then I'd run out, with my mother's warning echoing: "If you forget something, you'll go back!" In those Depression days, the neighborhood grocer kept a watchful eye on customers. If you didn't show up for a few days, you might be taking your trade elsewhere. He made you aware that he knew just how recently you'd been in: "The herrings I gave you on Monday — they were good?" Or, "I haven't seen your mama for a few days. Is your little sister over her cold?" This ritual out of the way, I would begin to tick off the items from memory, keeping in mind all the descriptions, qualifiers and footnotes that my mother was so fond of. "Three half-sour pickles, still greenish and not soggy. The best white eggs, and see that they're candled. A pound of pot cheese, and if it's not moist- looking, get the farmer cheese. Broad noodles, but if he's out, I'll manage with the medium. Half a pound of cream cheese, and ask him to open a new box." This last was very crafty because it held out the possibility that Mr. E. would offer me the lovely, highly prized wooden box that bulk cream cheese was packed in. There was no end to its uses: a bed for a little doll, a closet for doll clothes, a container for treasures. By the time I got back home, supper preparations would be well on the way. My mother would stop to slice the fresh loaf of rye bread, spread it with sweet butter and jam for our afternoon snack, and we'd swap news of the day. She was ready then to keep an eye on our homework. Everything happened right there in the kitchen. Cutting up stringbeans, she'd throw spelling words at us. When the rice pudding, raisin- filled and aromatic with vanilla, was put into the oven to bake, she'd sit down for a few minutes to correct a composition or check arithmetic answers. A sloppy paper she'd simply tear up in disgust. We had no choice but to do it over. If we had a test the next day, we'd ask her to "hear" us. She would tolerate one wrong answer, but not a second. "Come back when you know it. I'm not here to listen to mistakes:' By now, the fried fish for supper had been set to crisp on brown paper bags. In passing, we'd grab a piece for sustenance, then go back for another study session. On the first day of school, the ancients put a drop of honey on a child's tongue to associate forever sweetness with learning. In my mother's kitchen, this happened naturally most of the time. ❑