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I saw the purpose of my existence as a Jew and I was honored to be just that." She knew she had to change immediately. With Rabbi Silberberg's help, she enrolled her three children in a Jewish day school and began a total life-style change. At first her family resisted, but after seeing her consis- tent determination, they began to accept her decision. Two of her sisters began to study with Silberberg and also embraced a Lubavitch life-style. Today, she and her ex- tended family are avid sup- porters of Chabad-Lubavitch. Once a month, her family hosts a minyan at their home. "I have become tradi- tional in every sense of the word," she says of her ten- year journey. "My life re- volves around Shabbos and maintaining a proper Jewish environment for my fami- ly." A young man or woman decides to learn more about Judaism and is inspired to lead a more ob- servant life. What happens to the indi- vidual's relationship with his parents, spouse and children? Both Rabbis Jacobovitz and Silberberg recognize the chal- lenges and problems that con- front a Baal Teshuvah and his family. In order to preserve family harmony, they counsel both sides to remain level-headed and try as best as possible to accom- modate one another's needs. Rabbi Silberberg says, "The major stickler is ,usually a question of Kashruth. In to- day's society, there are so many carry-outs, plastic and paper silverware and dishes. The key is flexibility and the desire to keep a family whole." Some of the Baalei Teshuvah interviewed were greeted with admiration and acceptance. They often pro- vided the spark for their entire family's re- commitment. Robbie Udman's mother, Carol, describes herself as "so proud to see him strong enough to be so independent. He's found a meaning to life. The first Shabbat he was home, we finally sat down as a family together and had a beautiful meal." Other families, recognizing their confusion and frustra- tion, work together. At first, Ed Hurvitz had a lot of explaining to do. His parents were afraid they wouldn't see their grandchil- dren, and would never have Ed and his family over for dinner. Ed remembers his father's first reaction. "He had a lot of stereotypes. He was afraid we'd have a lot of dirty kids, that I would quit medical school and go off to the yeshivah. "Finally, my parents realized that I was essen- tially the same person. I had the same sense of humor, the same way of doing things. Gradually, my parents have come to see our Orthodox lifestye as a good thing," Ed explains. Rae Hurvitz, Ed's mother, adds, "My son and daughter- / in-law have taught me. We work together because I want them to feel at home here. We bought new dishes and silverware. These seem like small accommodations for people you love and respect." Ed's father, Harold, ex- plains the importance of mutual respect. "Ed doesn't insist I become Orthodox. He understands our lifestyle." For some Baalei Teshuvah, the joy of fulfilling mitzvot will always be saddened by a spouse's refusal to cooperate or parents' unwillingness. Beverly Engelhardt, a psychotherapist and mother of four, became a Baal Teshuvah in her late 30s. After a family trip to Israel and a lot of soul searching, she realized she was tired liv- ing with an incomplete Judaism. Announcing to her family, "From this day forth we are going to live as Jews," she met a lot of opposition. For one, her husband Stan- ley, was very comfortable as a Reform Jew and her oldest and middle son strongly iden- tified with him. She began to study with Rabbi Silberberg and adopt a Lubavitch lifestyle. "I told my family I didn't want to lose them but if they didn't go along with me, I'd have to live in an apartment." With Rabbi Silberberg's help, she enrolled her chil- dren in a day school and helped them work through their anger and frustration. It was difficult at first. They had many arguments and long discussions. "I have to raise my kids by what I think is right," Engelhardt explains, "I'm trying to give them something for when they grow up. Then they'll have a choice." After one year, she and the children continue to walk two miles to Silberberg's Bais Chabad on Shabbat. The children are fairly adjusted to their new school. Engelhardt's daughter is "almost completely Lubavitch after attending a Lubavitch summer camp." She and her husband still don't see eye to eye on practice, but they are beginning to get used to one another's Judaism. "I make the most delicious Shabbos meals and Stanley loves to eat," Engelhardt says. "So we celebrate Shab- bos as a family." ri (