Machon L'Torah

The Jewish Learning Network of Michigan

Would Like To Express Our

THANKS

To All Those Who Participated
In Our
Building Raffle Campaign

Congratulations To:

Grand Prize Winner:
($5,000)
Second Prize Winner:
($750)
Third Prize Winners:
($500)

Mr. David Tenenbaum

Mr. John Wineman

Mr. & Mrs. Irwin Cohen
Rabbi & Mrs. Gershon Eisenberger
Rabbi & Mrs. Yosef Kakon
Mr. & Mrs. Seymour Terebelo

1986
CITY TAXES

ALL 1986 CITY OF DETROIT FIRST-HALF
TAX BILLS HAVE BEEN MAILED

survival and organizational
techniques that are trans-
ferable to any work situation.
Today, more and more cou-
ples share these roles evenly
and it seems to work well for
both. (I must acknowledge
that for me it would have in-
volved relinquishing power
and control over my "turf"—
not as easy as some might
think.)
c) I would make a more con-
certed effort to find highly
professional surrogate help,
though I know it is costly. In
16 years I employed nine
housekeepers; I would rate
the quality of surrogate child
care excellent for seven years,
adequate for five, and poor
for four. Four years is a lot of
days in a child's life. During
those intermittent four years,
God was kind to me, and tele-
vision helped a great deal.
But I was foolish to tolerate
a bad situation for a week,
much less for the four or five
months until I made a re-
placement. Twenty years
later, it still pains me that I
fired Lilly W. for forging my
checks and not because she
let infant Deborah cry while
I was out.
My advice to any dual-
career couple would be to
give this the highest priority:
a nanny-type, a relative, or an
older person, one who truly
cares and understands child
care and not swabbing floors
to be the primary task.
Secure the best, even if that
person stays for only a year
or two. Children do not suffer

from these changes, as long
as there is decent closure. We
made many "Good-bye,
Mary" parties.
d) I would be more serious
about earning money. For
many years, my goal was
simply to cover the cost
of a housekeeper—leaving
Yitz the full burden of family
support and the accumula-
tion of debts that continue to
plague us. It would have been
much more humane and fair
had we better shared the
breadwinning role. Our ra-
tionale was that with his pro-
fessional training he could
earn five times more at any
job than I could for compar-
able expenditure of time. We
have paid dearly for this short-
sighted view. Besides, it is
psychologically healthy for a
marriage if women have an
independent income, or the
ability and training to earn it
as time allows.
e) I would try not to let
guilt overtake me. There was
pressure from every side:
from relatives ("Your place is
at home with the children");
from "friends" ("It's amaz-
ing how nice your kids have
turned out, with all the run-
ning around you do"); and
from more liberal feminists
("He should do the carpool-
ing, laundry . . .").
Starting all over, I would
now awaken every morning,
stand before the mirror, look
myself straight in the eye,
and say, "It's my life, my
family, my business. I'm do-
ing the very best I can." It's

enough to cope without the
guilt.
Now that I've thoroughly
contradicted myself, let me
do it one more time. I'm not
really sure I would do it dif-
ferently if I were starting all
over. I liked what I did, and
I like what I'm doing now—
working hard at becoming a
writer. True, had I worked
full-time all these years, I
might have become estab-
lished, in an executive or
academic position, with a
good salary and a title. Yet °
who knows, perhaps these
years of waiting, watching,
playing, working, listening,
dabbling, dreaming, juggling,
braking, stopping, starting,
switching—exactly as I did
—have brought me to where
I am today, filling my mind
with ideas and memories,
associations, scenes, connec-
tions and conversations that
now become the substance of
my writings.
All these contradictions!
What can they mean? That
there are no good or bad
answers, no right or wrong
choices, no neat decisions;
that the tension between
parenting and career will be
with us for a long time,
possibly even for all time.
Perhaps the best we can do is
acknowledge the tension as a
sign of the richness of our
lives, the confusion—a result
of having choices we never
had before—a symbol of our
love for all the possible ways
there are to achieve fulfill-
ment as human beings. ❑

ALL REAL AND PERSONAL PROPERTY TAX BILLS
FOR THE CITY OF DETROIT have been mailed. If you
have failed to receive a tax statement, please request
a duplicate by mail or in person at Room 136 City
County Building, Monday through Friday from 8:30
a.m. until 4:30 p.m. Interest and Penalty charges must
be added if first half tax is not paid by August 15,
1986 or the full tax is not paid by September 2, 1986
(August 31 falls on a Sunday and September 1 is a
national Holiday). Failure to receive a bill will not
defer accrual of Interest and Penalty.
Kindly include Ward and Item Number when re-
questing bills by mail. You may also request duplicate
bills via the telephone at 224-3560.
Tax Information - 224-3560
FIRST HALF DUE
AUGUST 15, 1986
Virginia Sikora
Treasurer
CITY OF DETROIT

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