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WHEN LOVE DOTH
COME YOUR WAY

Maurice Croll, M.D.

—

- WHEN LOVE DOTH COME YOUR WAY
OPEN UP THE WELCOME PORTALS
OF YOUR HEART.
TRUE LOVE HATH ITS OWN
ITS OWN INHERENT QUALITIES
SO DIFFICULT AT TIMES
TO ASCERTAIN AND EVALUATE
AS TO DEPTH AND DURATION.

LET THE RECESSES OF YOUR HEART
PENT UP THESE MANY YEARS
REACH OUT TO BLOSSOM FORTH.

FOR YOU THE SUN WILL BRIGHTER
SHINE,
THE MOON WILL SEEK YOU OUT
TO WARM YOUR BLOOD AND RACE
MADLY THROUGH YOUR DORMANT
QUIET HEART AND SHAKE YOUR VERY BEING
IN EVERY KNOWN ASPECT.

LET NOT YOUR ANXIOUS MIND
WANDER INTO THAT EVER PRESENT
PITFALLS THAT ABOUND.
SEX AND TRUE LOVE ARE
3 DIFFERENT AVENUES
OFTEN GOING IN 3 DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS.

NO SCIENTIST WITH A ROOM FULL OF
COMPUTERS BEYOND ALL MEN
CAN TELL YOU FOR SURE
IF ALL HIS LOVE IS TRUE.

EVEN WITHOUT ANY JOLTING READ OUT
YOUR HEART WILL GUIDE YOU.

ONLY YOU CAN MEASURE THE
EFFECTS,
BUT DO NOT LET IT PASS YOU BY,
FOR IT MAY NEVER COME
YOUR WAY AGAIN.

ADDENDUM:
RESEARCH HAS SHOWN THAT ONLY TWICE
IN THE LIFE OF A FEMALE WILL THEY BE
ASKED TO BE MARRIED.

TODAY I CANNOT BE SURE OF THE STATIS-
TICS. THE YOUNGER GENERATION DOES NOT
KNOW NOR DO THEY CARE, WHAT THE FULL
MEANING OF MARRIAGE IS.

THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS - THOSE WHO
STAY LEGAL BUT GET MARRIED 6-8 TIMES. _I
CALL THEM "TURNOVERS."

28 Friday, July 18, 1986

THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS

D0\1111\ I Aullq

• Oc

much energy in one person; b)
a career, in contrast to a job,
but like child care, is open-
ended—preoccupation is the
rule and not the exception.
Given those realities, I was
forced to make some hard
choices.
For me, the choice was
family first. Which is not to
say that anyone, man or
woman, who works full- or
over-time at career does not
also place family first. What
I am talking about is the
allocation and organization of
time, attention and energy. I
wanted to be home and avail-
able when the children were
home. Not every single mo-
ment, of course, but as the
norm and not the exception.
Moreover, given the size of
our family, obligations to
community, and respon-
sibilities to my rabbi-bus-
, band, a full-time career or a
9-to-5 job was out of the ques-
tion. If I had had to—as
many women have—I could
have done it, and it would
have worked; but in those
years, life was so ordered that
I did not absolutely have to.
Still, I could not survive as
a whole person without an in-
dependent professional life.
Nor, I believe, could my hus-
band and children, for I know
that I felt happier and more
fulfilled and consequently
was more patient and loving.
I found switching hats to be
more refreshing than ex-
hausting. Sometimes I won-
der, now that it is com-
monplace for young mothers

to work, whether I would
have the same feelings of ex-
hilaration I had then.
True confessions: My 25-
year career begs the adjective
"checkered." I did not have
the single-mindedness needed
to advance in a chosen career.
I kept my eye on flexibility,
not on promotions. I never let
my career consume me, which
might easily have occurred
given the inner ambition.

Our children
did
something
very special
for us: They
connected
us to the
past.

Part-time academic work was
the solution for me. For it
was both highly satisfying
and suitable to my family's
needs; and much of it could
be done at home.
Family priorities often af-
fected my style as well. Most
of my lectures for college
courses were prepared until 2
or 3 a.m. Half a library of
soggy books testifies to a

somewhat ridiculous theory
under which I operated: that
my mind could be at work
while my exhausted body
rested in a hot tub.
Had I done it another
way—full steam ahead with
career—I know that I would
have had full encouragement
from my husband. More than
encouragement: When Deb-
orah was born, we moved
from an apartment to a small
house in North Riverdale. I
was then enrolled in City
University's clinical psych-
ology program, and working
there part-time. With the new
house, the new baby, the
longer commute, plus Moshe
(age 3) and David (age 11/2), a
sporadic baby-sitter was no
longer adequate for our
needs. A sleep-in housekeeper
was, but we had no money for
one. Yitz suggested that we
borrow money from a bank.
Back in 1964, however, banks
were not sympathetic to len-
ding money for household
help. So we requested a home
improvement loan. The bank
officer didn't think to ask
whether it was a physical or
psychic improvement, and we
didn't offer the information.
I don't believe there were all
that many traditional Jewish
husbands in the 1960s who
would have thought to bor-
row money for a sleep-in
housekeeper. But he ap-
preciated my career aspira-
tions, much as I did his.
And my mother! Though
she led a busy life of her own,
she was always there for

