76 Friday, April 4,1986

THE INTROIT JEWISH NEWS

L., DR,
& WELL READ

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•

Some Purim Masks
We'd Love To See

BY ZE'EV CHAFETS
Special To The Jewish News

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Purim is over, and most
Israelis have already put their
costumes into mothballs for
another year. This season's
selection of holiday get-ups in-
cluded the usual number of
Queen Esthers, Mordechais,
Clint Eastwoods and Madon-
nas. But there were other, more
imaginative outfits on display
as well. Some of this Purim's
best included:
*The Kurt Waldheim: This
costume consists of a conser-
vative business suit in the
"modern European" style; a
blacktop-hat for diplomatic mis-
sions; and a lifelike mask with a
perma-press expression of piety.
Also in the Waldheim kit is a
portable closet with a Nazi uni-
form (this feature was also in the
"Helmut Schmidt model" that
was popular a few years ago).
Other props include special "SS
shades" that make it impossible
to see mass deportations; and a
special military translator's dic-
tionary with the phrases, "I was
only following orders," "some of
my best friends are Jewish" and
"we have a special moral debt to
the Palestinian people" in Ger-
man and Italian.
*The Yassir Arafat: This out-
fit comes equipped with a
special, two-faced mask and an
unusual ventriloquist's device
that enables you to talk out of
both sides of your mouth at the
same time. Other features in-
clude a revolutionary "kef-
fiyah," a Soviet-made assault ri-
fle equipped with detachable
olive branch, and the keys to a
private executive jet. There is
also an Arafat mask, with a
• three day growth of beard, espe-
cially suitable for scaring small
children and European heads of
state.
*The Jacobo Timmerman: A
favorite with Israeli imper-
sonators, the Timmerman
comes with an Israeli identity
card printed in disappearing ink;
Argentinian, Spanish and Amer-
ican residence papers and an
automatic arm with an out-
streched palm. The outfit also
includes a fun-house mirror that
makes you look like Albert
Schweitzer; a nose plug for use
. upon contact with Jews; and a
lifetime subscription to New
York. Please note: The Timmer-
man is no .longer available in
Israel.
*The Saudi Poorboy: A varia-
tion on the Saudi Oil Monster
costume that has been popular
in recent years, the Poorboy con-
sists of an empty barrel and
suspenders. Other features in-
clude a jar of genuine alligator
tears, a Mobil Oil golf cap and
an official copy of The Protocals
Of The Elders Of Zion,
autographed by Spiro T. Agnew
and Fred Dutton. Formerly
available only in king size, the
new Saudi Poorboy now comes
in small as well. Warning: The
Poorboy is not shrinkproof.
.*The Jesse Jackaon:' :This

costume comes equipped with
an ill-fitting Martin 'Luther
King, Jr. cloak, a halo and a map
of the Middle East, suitable for
planning ego trips. There is also
a "Jews-for-Jackson" outfit,
known as the "Schlep n' Fetchit
• odel". The Jesse Jackson is
not recommended for Presiden-
tial candidates.
*The KKK: Based on the old
fashioned bedsheet, the modern
KKK (Khomeini-Khaddafi-Ka-
hane) is rapidly becoming a
favorite. The costume is a three-
in-one bargain, reusable by mak-
ing minor adjustments (exam-
ple: remove the beard from Kho-
meini and you have Khadaffi;
add a yamulke to Khaddafi and
you get Kahane). The KKK also
comes with a disconnected tele-
phone for talks with the
Almighty.
*The Gorbachev: The hit of
this year's Purim season, the
Gorbachev is actually a remake
of the shortlived Andropov cos-
tume. It consists of a Saville
Row suit, Italian shoes and a
stack of Frank Sinatra albums.
The Gorbachev includes a life-
sized, inflatable "Mrs. Gor-
bachev" doll dressed in Paris
designer clothes; and a special
smokeblowing fan. A small
number of exit visas for Soviet
Jews is optional.
Industry designers were sur-
prised this year by the populari-
ty of these outlandish costumes.
Many predict a return next
Purim to more realistic charac-
ters, such as Casper the Friend-
ly Ghost, the Lochness Monster
and Superwoman. By next year,
they believe, the Waldheims and
Arafats, Timmermans and Gor-
bachevs, will no longer be in
fashion.
We'll see.

Aussies Censor
Croatian Paper

New York — The Australian
Press Council has censured a
Croatian weekly newspaper
Hrvatski Tjednik for publishing
an article that conatains "wild
and unsubstantiated" anti-
Semitic statements.
The article, which charged
that Jewish organizations "run
the world," was a "classic case of
conspiracy theory which has
been used by anti-Semites for
the past century," according to
the Press" Council, adding that it
was "typical of the kind of prop-
aganda that has been used to
stir up anti-Jewish prejudice
and justify racial persecution."
The Croatian weekly printed
a letter of complaint from B'nai
B'rith but failed to respond to a
request for' an apology and re-
traction.
The Press Council acted on a
complaint from the Anti-
Defamation Council of B'nai
B'rith in Australia and New
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