49 ;-1 r interactions. They walk away, from each week's session a little more sane, better able to handle mishaps,. looking forward to more enjoyable time spent withtheir children. There is no national network coordinating the hundreds of Chil- dren the Challenge courses offered throughout the country. Typically, parents who experienced the course in another city bring new concepts with them when they relocate, and devote considerable time and effort organizing a new program and re- cruiting other interested parents as leaders and cladb participants. Barbara and Gary Galena brought Children the Challenge to the Detroit area in 1977, when they moved from Virginia Beach, Va. They had been using Dreikurs' par- enting techniques for two years. Be- fore slipping into old parenting habits, they organized the first Chil- dren the Challenge course for a small group of friends and acquain- tances, under the auspices of Far- mington Youth Assistance. Barbara was fairly typical of many parents encountering Children the Challenge for the first time. In 1975, she was a newcomer to Vir- ginia Beach and the mother of two children; 41/2-year-old Sherry and 11/2-year-old Mark. She found herself upset and screaming a lot. "I was uncomforta- ble with my parenting skills and felt I was not handling situations well." Like many parents, she first saw a Dreikurs parent in action. "I spent a morning with a new friend. There were five children under four years old in her house and she was able to speak calmly and encouragingly to all of them. They behaved well and conflicts seemed to be avoided." She and Gary signed up for the next available class. At first Barbara resisted Dreikurs' philosophy. "I wasn't going to let anyone tell me how to parent. I wanted to be a different kind of parent, but it seemed impossible to change my be- havior. I kept falling back on my natural parenting techniques and'- those always got me into trouble. Gary Galena found Dreikurs' parent techniques positive and prac- tical; he began using them suc- cessfully. "When I spent enjoyable time with my children and encouraged them, they responded positively. I •liked what I saw. I was sold on Dreikurs:" As Barbara saw Gary's relation- ship with the children improve, she began tentatively trying some of Dreikurs' suggestions. "It was very difficult at first. I would have one good day -- offering choices, using logical consequences, withdrawing from conflict, using encouragement. Then I'd fall back into my old pat- terns and habits — punishing, threatening, talking too much.. It was frustrating, but Gary encouraged me not to give up.", • Today, Barb and Gary Galens are the parents of three children, Sherry,, Mark and Jeffrey, and their household is' managed along Dreike- rian principles. For the past nine years, they have organized Children the Challenge classes, put together a supplemental handbook, written monthly newsletters and trained volunteer discussion leaders. Over 1,000 parents have taken their Continued on Page 62 The Here is a chance to test your personal Mentch-Raising quotient. help their children's confidence and self esteem grow by letting them help in the kitchen. 3. You're driving home from school with 6-year-old Michael and 2-year-old Jennifer. When .1. You're making dinner. Nine- you tell, the kids that they'll . be year-old Justin and 5-year-old running a feW errands with you,-7,7 Jeremy are playing in the next Michael begins to scream, "I'll room and fighting over toys. All of miss my TV shows!" He starts a sudden you hear a loud noise kicking the front seat and crying and a shriek. Jeremy is wailing. and rocking Jennifer's carseat. Justin is screaming, "Mom, Mom, You should: a. Pull over to the side of the where are you? Look what Jeremy road and say, "I can't drive when did!" You should: a. Drop everything and run you do that We'll continue when in screaming, "Now what? Justin, you can sit quietly." You wait si- you're the big -brother. How many lently for five minutes until they times do I have to'tell you not to settle down. b. Reach back, grab his foot bother your baby brother!?" b. Run in and assess the and give it a twist, and scream, damage. (There isn't any). You "Be quite --- or else!" .c. Say, "If you can sit quietly,`' send both boys to their rooms. 'I'll buy you both a cookie at the "You can come down when you're bakery." ready to' cooperate." Dreikurs urges parents to use c. Remain in the kitchen and calmly say, "I knoW you boys can • logical consequences rather than bribes, threats or punishments — work things out." "action, not words." He Dreikurs urges parents to encourages parents to set limits "stay out of fights." He also and follow through on what they suggests that parents put siblings are willing and not willing to do. into the "same boat," without • 4. Youlye on the phone. picking the good or bad child. These techniques will help chil- Eighteen-month-old Elliott starts dren handle strife and solve their pulling at your leg, demanding your attention. You should: own quarrels. a. Rub his back and ignore 2. Four-Year-old Shira likes all his entreaties. b. Put your hand on the . to try new things. She decides to pour herself a glass of chocolate mouthpiece and say, "Would you milk. It spills all over her new leave me alone? Go play in the dress and the freshly washed other room for a change! Stop being such a bad boy!" floor. You should: c. Pause and say, "Elliott, a. Hand her a towel and say, "Accidents happen. Next time this;Mommy's One. .Would you like to play with your truck for a you'll be able to judge better." b. Groan and say through minute? We'll -litaf"together as clenched teeth, "Who gave you the soon as I'm thrO(igiPt. • idea you could pour milk? You're Dreikura ,141084tiarents and too little. You • ruin everything. -'v Children neeesfiercial time to- Joist look at your new dress!" gether but children need to re- c. Scream, "Shira, that's it! spect the, needs of a situation. Don't ever try something you Parents can give a child choicear, know you can't do! And ask if you and try to redirect him into posit- want some milk.: You really are, ive behavior. careless.", How did you and your chil- . Dreikurs urges parents to dren do? If you are interested in "take it easy." "Don't over react" taking a Farmington Youth Assis- "Separate the deed.from the doer," tance Children the Challenge so the child doesn't feel he is bad, course, call 476-3840. Irene will but realizes his actions might be put your name on a mailing list inapKopriate to: the situation. and send you 'a notice before the Above all else, he urges parents to next set of classes. Here are some fairly typical daily occurrences. How do you usually respond? If you're not sure, ask your kids; they'll know. How would Dreikurs encourage you to respond? , - GOrd■in cind , Sissan Shlorn conduct a Children the Challenge .clart in FargiAzgt,Pn:Hilts• • • a • • m a s , II-v./L-14.. '0 .1 I I L