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March 28, 1986 - Image 60

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Detroit Jewish News, 1986-03-28

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

60 Friday, March 28, 1986

THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS

Detroit ewish

ANNU A

L

PUR I M

SPOOF

Qaddafy
Pleads Insanity
Over Name

Challah's Comet Sighted
Over. Southfield

Scientists in the U,S.
and the USSR were
amazed to learn from the
latest photographs of
Halley's Comet that the
comet is not a mass or
clump of stars but an
actual challah hurdling
through space.
"Now we finally know
how it got it's name," said
Dr. Darryl Deckel of the
U.S. Space Observatory.
"Our computerized laser

photos prove that what
we've been observing is a
very large challah, most
probably an egg challah
' with no poppy seeds."
As to why Challah's
Comet only appears every
76.3 years, Dr. Deckel said
that computer printouts
indicate that that is
precisely how long it takes,
if you are in a hurry, for
you to wait in line in the
bakery on a busy Friday.
o

New Heritage Center. To Be
Named For Marcos

After agonizing for
months over whether or
not to accept "tainted
funds" for the new Jewish
Heritage Center here,
"
officials of the organized
Jewish community this
week announced that "in
all good conscience we
simply could not name our
new Center after someone
involved in widespread
illegalities."
Chaim Kesef, chairman
of the Taskforce to
Agonize Oyer Whether Or
Not To Take A Lot of
Mqney To Name The
Heritage Center After A
Scoundrel, said that the
decision of the board was
final and unanimous. •
Kesef added that he

Marcos:
Puttin' on the Ritz.

was proud to announce
that new center will from
now on be known as the
Ferdinand and Imelda
Marcos Jewish Heritage
Center for Democracy and
Freedom. ("We just threw
in the Democracy and
Freedom part so that the
acronym could read .
better, ' said Kesef,
referring to the
FIMJHCDF.)
Kesef refuted to say
how much 'money the
Marcoses donated to have
the Center named in their
honor but he did note that
the Center'has agreed to
provide permanent. refuge
'to the Marcos entourage.
Marcos himself is said to"
be considering .a position
as the shammos at the
nearby Lloyd Street
Synagogue.
'.'When we offered him
sanctuary," explained •
Kesef, "he took us
literally.",
"They'll all be moving to
Charm City in the next few
days and it's only 'fitting to
havethem in the state."
'Marcos had sought
refuge in Israel. Then he
tried to buy Israel. But we
convinced him that he'd
feel more at home here."
Plans call for the Center
to open with a $700 million
dollar continental breakfast
for up to a dozen selected
guests.

Shcharansky To Head
Israeli Basketball Squad

Jerusalem — Anatoly
Shcharansky, the freed
Soviet Jewish dissident,
has been offered the post
of Chief Rabbi of Israel,
but he may turn the offer
down to become either
Prime Minister or Chief
Justice of the Supreme
Court. Supporters.are
urging him to take all three
posts. Meanwhile, he has
also been named captain

Shcharansky:
Trying to decide.

AA 1,

...A...a. Ms..—

of the Israeli Olympic
basketball team. "He may
be short, but we all look
up to him," said Prime
Minister Shimon Peres at a

national ceremony.
"The fact is there aren't
too many honest,
respected guys around,"
said Rabbi Lazar Likud,
who had tried to convince
Shcharansky to divide his
time between headihg the
.Herut Party, being dean of
a new yeshiva, staffing the
Air Force and selling
bagels on the streets of
Tel Aviv. "Everyone here
works at least three jobs,"
Likud explained. "I just
threw the bagel job in so
he could make a living."
But Shcharansky, a
newcomer to observant '
rituals, may turn down the
Chief Rabbinate honor. He
was reportedly upset to
learn the requirements of
the laws of family purity
when he was overheard
saying to his wife, Avital,.
the night of his. arrival:
"You mean after 12 years, •
I still have to wait two
more weeks?l"

iromr4A-reer,r ," orerwr...

Libya'S Col. Muammar
Quaddafy threw himself on
the mercy of the World
Court today, asserting that
the reason he acts "so
nutty and crazy" is due to
the fact that not even he
knows how to spell his last
name.
The designer-coiffed
strongman said he had ,
seen his name spelled 34
different ways, from
Quadafi to Khaddaphy, in
the media and he was so
upset that he didn't know
to look up his own name in
the phone book, much less
whether or not he should
support every terrorist
organization in the world.
"I don't even knoW if it's
fone book or ()phone
book," said the
exasperated leader.
But the court ruled that
confusion over the spelling
of one's name is not
enough cause' to exonerate
one for murder and
mayhem, citing the case of
Anatoly Shcharansky as
proof. 'Mr. Shcharansky
has absolutely no idea how
that first "h" got into his
name but he hasn't hi-
jacked planes over it,"
noted the ruling.

Qaddafy:
Mr. Alphabet.

.

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