26 Friday, October 4, 1985
THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS
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The Gate
ContinuedliimPage24
thodox world, I also realized
that I could never be satisfied
living outside the boundaries of
their domain.
Something beyond the social
scientist in me had been affected
in Jerusalem. It was not my pro-
fessional technique or methods
that needed repair; it was some-
thing in me, something I needed
to find that could open me and
the world of lernen to each other
without forcing me to change
myself. I would not ever become
a Bratslaver Hasid or one of
those men of Shaarey Chesed. I
would not replace earthly
Jerusalem with its heavenly
counterpart. But, surely, I was
more than just a sociologist.
Slowly and almost uncon-
sciously, I left the library and
made my way to the southern
tip of the campus, far from the
classrooms and the books, to a
place where people seldom came,
and found myself a plot of grass
where at last alone, I came to
clear my thought and chart my
forward motion. From here I
could see both sides of. the
mountain.
Sitting here at the edge of the
university — beyond the borders
of Mea Shearim and Bratslav —
I had to admit to myself that I
remained, after all, an obser-
vant Jew, tied by inertia and re-
sidual feelings of attachmeent to
a way of life I could not, would
not leave. "Too much of my per-
sonal history was still tied up in
Judaism for me to abandon it all
in favor of dispassionate, objec-
tive observations. The prayers, I
had been told, of a miracle rabbi
had cured my grandmother of
her childhood blindness. My
mother's father, Hasid, had
throughout life steeped himself
in Torah study. My parents had
survived the fire storm of Nazi
persecution and the ashes of the
concentration camps–through
what they said was their faith
in God. When I was born (that
birth itself their vote of confi-
dence in God and life), my
father had vowed that he would
from then on never let a day
pasi without prayer -- and still
this day has kept that pledge.
And still each night my mother
lies in tied reciting psalms of
thanksgiving and of praise;
while mornings never pass
without her special prayers for
our family's welfare and future
hopes. My wife and I had built a
Jewish home; our children saw
themselves thus strictly bound.
ThToughout my years
growing up, and now stilt, the
house-in 'which I felt at home re-
;fleeted all this Jewish faith s
If in college and later, its I
made my way into the outiide
world, ' acquired new perspec-
tives and found myself an occu-
pation, I tried at times to place
my Judaism in private regions, I
still had never', removed ,it from
my life. I lived an Orthodox life:
prayed, kept , tie Sabbath, ate
only kosher food.and performed
as - many mitzoos as '.I could —
even as I proceeded in the uni-
versity and my `priiession. The
back-and-forth rhphm. that car-
ried me between my two worlds
t
,`•
had — because of my experience
in the study circle — been
broken. Once again, I had to
temper the tradition with my
other life. That was the repair I
genuinely needed.
When I'd embarked upon this
trip, I'd felt the need to lern, but
only as a distant voice from
somewhere in my Jewish past. I
had no sense of disrepair. Now
that had changed. Perhaps that
was why I.had come at last to
where I sat atop the watershed:
against my back the university,
to my right Jerusalem, and on
"I might study the
Torah again and
again, but did I
really believe that
everything was
contained in it?
Certainly not."
my left an endless wilderness.
Somewhere among all this,
there was direction — but where
it was I did not know.
The sun was dropping past
the doomed rooftops, and the
winds of night rose up from the
east. A chill upon my neck, I
stood and turned toward the
city, my questions unresolved
but resolute in my intention to
find my book and group rand
way.
My time in Jerusalem was not
always taken up with 'spiritual
matters. Among the mundane
realities of my life was the end-
less need to exchange -My dollars
for Israeli Shekels. Like other
foreigners, therefore, I always
seemed to be heading for -the
foreign iurrency.window at the
bank. A .creature..of :habit,
normally:' went, ' to the bank
closest to niy apartment. -Ian,
the teller there, -was: pleasant
and quick,: :qualitiei I'd often
found missing at other banks.
After two or three visits he
began 'to recognize me,l which
meant that everything :would go
fasten- Hvbecame for me yet
another familiar face in this
. strange city; and I began to
half-look forward to my :visits tci
the bank.' Like me, Ian was in
his thirties, wore a knitted
skullcap and was a native
Englisk speaker. During the