Friday, March 29, 1985
THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS
Bill Pugliano
Carolyn Dangoor, a convert to Judaism, is child development director at the Jewish Community Center.
She is shown here with her friend Zachary Boorstein.
a Jew. "Many people hold a bio-genetic
definition of Judaism," he says, "that
the only way to be Jewish is to be born
of a Jewish mother. Law and tradition
make it clear one must take into ac-
count how a person lives his life. A
convert is a full Jew."
Many common misperceptions
and stereotypes grow from this belief:
There is the notion that a convert
is poorly informed and unobservant.
"My daughter-in-law thinks being
Jewish is working out at the Jewish
Center," one mother-in-law admits.
But common sense debunks the myth.
Most converts spend several months to
several years studying Judaism. They
are motivated, excited, interested stu-
dents. They study on an intellectual
level, as adults.
Rabbi Richard Weiss of Temple
Beth Jacob compares the conversion
student to the Jewish-born student.
"People born into a religion have a
smattering of superstition and ignor-
ance — Bubba-mises. They don't take
their religious education seriously.
When a child is just developing his in-
telligence, and beginning to under-
stand Judaism, his (Jewish) education
stops."
Statistics also prove false the
stereotype of the unaffiliated and un-
observant convert. A 1979 national
study on intermarriage, conducted by
the American Jewish Committee, con-
cluded, "In every index of Jewish atti-
tudes and practice, couples whose
born-gentile spouses have converted to
Judaism scored higher than marriages
made up of two born-Jews. The family
life of conversionary marriages is also
more consciously Jewish, both in reli-
gious practices and in formal and in-
formal Jewish acculturation of chil-
dren."
Converts tend to enthusiastically
embrace their new religion, join tem-
ples and synagogues, attend services,
celebrate life-cycle events and holi-
days. They become active, affiliated
members of the community.
There is also the mistaken notion
that converts are always "closet Chris-
tians." How can they shake off their
love for the Christmas season? How
can they change their birthright?
Dorothy answers the0 questions.
"I entered conversion as a commit-
ment, to enlarge my knowledge, to
practice in my daily life Jewish cus-
toms and habits. For 50 years I've
made Friday night special. Holidays
were never too much bother. Judaism
was special to me. I've found happiness
and support in Judaism. It's been my
life."
Another myth is that marriages
between Jews by Birth and Jews by
Choice are unhappy and full of con-
flict. Jeff Kottler, a Farmington Hills
psychologist, counsels many inter-
married couples and their parents. He
says,. "Marriages between Jews by
Choice and Jews by Birth tend to be
stable and committed. Of great impor-
tance is the unified front that these
parents present to their children."
Kottler suggests those in conver-
sionary marriages and those consider-
ing conversion should explore their
feelings and handle family tension
through rabbinic or lay counseling.
"Extended family members, such as
15
parents of the young couple, will also
benefit," he says.
He counsels converts to be as lov-
ing and patient as possible with their
families. "Show compassion for your
parents. Try to understand their bit-
terness or resentment. Try to avoid the
tragedy of severed relationships."
Over 100 Detroit-area individuals
converted to Judaism during 1984.
Rabbi Max Weine, instructor for the
Conservative conversion classes, feels
strongly that "conversion is a means of
correcting the situation we get into
with intermarriage. Those people who
undergo conversion are anxious to
contribute to Jewish heritage. They
are making a contribution towards
Jewish continuity."
With intermarriage rapidly ap-
proaching 60 percent and only one in
three intermarriages resulting in a
conversion of the non-Jewish spouse;
Jewish communal attitudes toward
conversion are important. The well-
being of our community depends in
part on our attitudes toward Jews by
Choice.
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