24 Friday, September 7, 1984 THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS JUST ASKING... On the Shabbat of Sept 8 the following Congregations in Metropolitan Detroit will salute BAR-ILAN UNIVERSITY as it enters its thirtieth academic year. MAY ITS PRINCIPLES OF UNCOMPROMISING QUALITY AND CONCERN FOR THE JEWISH PEOPLE GUIDE IT IN THE FUTURE AND BE A WORTHY EXAMPLE FOR JEWS EVERYWHERE. Rabbi Efry Spectre ADAT SHALOM SYNAGOGUE Rabbi Chaim Bergstein CONGREGATION BATS -CHABAD OF FARMINGTON HILLS Rabbi Meilech Silberberg CONGREGATION BAIS CHABAD OF WEST BLOOMFIELD Rabbi A. Irving Schnipper CONGREGATION BETH ABRAHAM- HILLEL-MOSES Rabbi Milton Arm CONGREGATION BETH ACHIM Rabbi David A. Nelson CONGREGATION BETH SHALOM Rabbi Leizer Levin CONGREGATION BETH TEFILO EMANUEL TIKVAH Rabbi Morton F. Yolkut CONGREGATION B'NAI DAVID Meyer Levin, President CONGREGATION B'NAI ISRAEL- BETH YEHUDAH Rabbi Dr. Philip Blachorsky CONGREGATION B'NAI ISRAEL OF WEST BLOOMFIELD Rabbi Stanley M. Rosenbaum CONGREGATION B'NAI MOSHE Rabbi Chaskel Grubner CONGREGATION DOVID BEN NUCHIM Rabbi Noah M. Gamze DOWNTOWN SYNAGOGUE Sherman Shapiro SYNAGOGUE LIAISON Rabbi Edward Feigelman CONGREGATION SHAAR HASHOMAYIM WINDSOR, ONTARIO Rabbi Leo Goldman CONGREGATION SHAAREY SHOMAYIM Rabbi Irwin Groner CONGREGATION SHAAREY ZEDEK Rabbi Shaiall Zachariash CONGREGATION SHOMREY EMUNAH Rabbi Betzalel Gottlieb MISHKAN ISRAEL, NUSACH H'ARI, LUBAVITCHER CENTER Rabbi Dannel I. Schwartz, Senior Rabbi Rabbi Norman T. Roman, Associate Rabbi Dr. Richard C. Hertz, Rabbi Emeritus TEMPLE BETH EL Rabbi Lane Steinger Dr. Milton Rosenbaum, Rabbi Emeritus TEMPLE EMANU-EL Rabbis M. Robert Syme and Harold Loss Rabbi Leon Fram, Founding Rabbi TEMPLE ISRAEL Rabbi Ernst J. Conrad TEMPLE KOL AMI Rabbi Reuven Drucker YOUNG ISRAEL OF GREENFIELD Rabbi James I. Gordon YOUNG ISRAEL OF OAK-WOODS Rabbi Elimelech Goldberg YOUNG ISRAEL OF SOUTHFIELD Donald Fox Paul Zlotoff GENERAL CHAIRMEN Jewish Marriage Encounter BY ELLYCE FIELD Special to The Jewish News What exactly is Jewish Mar- riage Encounter? Can anyone par- ticipate? Sue and Gordon Shlom re- turned home from their weekend Jewish Marriage Encounter ex- perience fuill of enthusiasm, mutual understanding and com- mitment. They began telling friends about the weekend, know- ing their friends would also bene- fit from such an experience. Sue explains, "Our friends looked at us like we were weird, asked a few questions and dis- missed the entire story as threatening. We quickly decided to keep marriage encounter to ourselves." Sue and Gordon's positive weekend experience and sub- sequent commitment to monthly marriage encounter meetings was not dampened by their friends' reactions. However, their experi- ence explains the marriage encounter community's reluc- tance to actively recruit couples. It also pointS out the problem marriage encounter has with serious misconceptions. Sue and Dan Stettner, Jewish Marriage Encounter's current Michigan region executive couple, list some of these miscon- ceptions. Jewish Marriage Encounter (JME) is not a "California-style" t-group; it is not therapy; it is neither confron- tational nor stressful. Rather, marriage encounter was conceived in the 1950s by a Jesuit priest in Spain who wanted a vehicle which would enhance and strengthen committed mar- riage. Dan explains that the "encounter" part of the title is just an incomplete translation of its Spanish counterpart. A more complete translation would be marriage "enrichment" or "dis- covery." In some parts of the coun- try, the movement has been re- named Marriage Enrichment. Jewish Marriage Encounter is part of the international marriage encounter communty; made up of other religious denominations' encounter organizations. While the communication techniques and structure of all marriage encounter organizations are simi- JME offers Jewish couples a uniquely Jewish experience and perspective. Sue Stettner defines JME: "It is fundamentally a 44-hour experi- ence in couple communication." Twenty to 30 Jewish couples meet at an area hotel for a weekend of listening, learning, re-evaluating and private sharing with one's own spouse. The structured weekend, be- ginning at sundown Saturday and ending Monday evening, is di- vided into two parts. A "present- ing team," made up of three lay couples and one rabbinic couple, presents topics for discussion and explains a structured communi- cation technique. After each pre- sentation, couples return to their room to discuss their feelings, using the newly-acquired com- munication technique. The presenting team members offer the group personal vignettes examining couple commitment and sharing of feelings. There is no cross-sharing or group discus- sion. Couples are encouraged to spend most of the weekend in the privacy of their hotel room using the communication technique which stresses open listening and mutual respect. JME offers couples the oppor- tunity to leave their complicated, fast-moving lives for 44 hours. Chiltren, responsibilities and jobs are momentarily pushed aside: Couples are able to focus on one another, to talk openly about their feelings, to practice a com- munication technique that is safe and non-judgemental. An of the couples interviewed agreed that the JME weekend was an intense, special experience that enhanced their mutual re- spect and rejuvenated a closeness that hadn't been felt since early in their marriage or during their dating years. Leslie London, who attended a JME weekend in 1977 with her husband Jeff, explains, "We felt a wonderful closeness and strong sense of commitment. We had a secure feeling that we would work hard to keep our communication open." In a world where people view marriage as a non-binding com- mitment, JME honors the Jewish concept that a strong marriage is the central unit of life. Dan Stett- ner explains, "JME validates marriage and says verbal inti- macy is O.K. It teaches couples how to grow. Judaism needs committed marriages and strong families." Couples of all ages with caring, loving marriages are the best candidates for JME and are likely to benefit the most. However, it is usually the woman who suggests JME and is willing to attend. Each husband interviewed con- fessed he was reluctant to go and was pushed by his spouse but felt he had benefited greatly. "Most men are resistant," Jeff London says. "We tend to be less comfortable with the idea of spending a weekend talking. I thought, 'Why not go to Las Vegas?' Men grow the most and have the most to learn." Dan Stettner adds, "Men a/ trained to hide their feelings an I not be open and sensitive. It .s hard for many men to go beyon d their style. JME gives men pe-- mission to be open and say it s O.K. to be a sensitive, caring pe: - son." Couples who would like to con- tinue practicing the new com- munication skills while exploring issues and feelings may join JME monthly group. Like the JME weekend, the couples par- ticipating in monthly groups re- present a cross section of the Jewish community. They are from all age groups, have been married varying number of years, and have different educational and career backgrounds. For Leslie and Jeff London, this diversity offers a variety of perspectives they would not find within their social circle. Issues helpful to personal growth, family stability and child-rearing are discussed in an open and non- judgemental form. The monthly meetings rein- force skills taught during the JME weekend and are helpful to a couple's personal growth. Sue Shlom explains, "Once a month I know that everything is dropped and Gordon and I have Linic, to explore our feelings and practice our communication skills." JME has been in the Detroit area for eight years. JME is a non-profit organiza- tion funded solely by participants' contributions. The costs for a JME weekend vary depending on each couple's ability to pay and desire to contribute to the organization. There are three weekends held throughout the year. After each weekend, an information night is held for interested couples. To be placed on a mailing list or to re- ceive notification of an upcoming weekend or information night, call either Carl and Shirley Bliss, 354-0889; or Shel and Sharon Rocklin, 553-6794.