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80 Friday, June 22, 1984

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THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS

"If you're a comedian
in Russia and you say,
`Take my wife, please,'
when you go home,
she's gone.

akov Smirnoff leaned against
the wall of his dressing room
BY SHERWOOD KOHN
above the Comedy Cafe, a tiny
Special to The Jewish News
walk-up bistro in downtown Wash-
ington, D.C. that specializes in
stand-up comics. He shared the
closet-sized room with a table saw
almost as tall as he is, a battered
black swivel chair, a dusty-looking
mirror at least eight feet long.
A slight, neatly bearded man -of
33 dressed in a black leather
windbreaker, black leather trousers
and a thin black leather tie, Smirnoff
looked relaxed and happy, as well he
might. He had just finished a week's
run of packed performances at the
cafe, and was about to fly back to Los
Angeles with the laughter and
applause of the evening's two one-
hour shows ringing in his ears, plus
the prospect of two films, a television
series, and a profile in Playgirl.
"I'm a happy man," he said. "I
love everything. I'm in love with this
country. It sounds corny, but it's true.
I am not missing anything about
Russia. My parents are here, my
friends are here. And I'm going back
to L.A. to close on a house in the Hol-
lywood Hills. Lenny Bruce's old
house."
Not bad for a little Jewish comic
who was playing Soviet .cruise ships
as a novelty act until 1977. Smirnoff
was born and raised in Odessa, where
his father was a construction
engineer and his mother was a
teacher of literature. He earned an
art teaching degree at Odessa
Pedagogical School, but has never
used it.
come to the United States. We waited
Catskills. While I was , working at
started working as a comedian
until they had received their retire-
Grossinger's,
I saw how limited com-
at 15, in small clubs," he said. "I felt
ment pensions and we applied for
edy
is
when
you
work only in front of
different from other people, and I at-
permission to leave. It was tough.
Jewish people. So I made a decision. I
tracted attention , by being funny. In
They fire you from work. They treat
decided I wouldn't tell only Jewish
Russia you are hired by government.
you as a traitor. But I wasn't in such
jokes. Anyway, I wasn'• brought up
You work for Ministry. of Culture."
bad shape as other people because
Jewish. I wasn't bar mitzvahed. My
(Sometimes Smirnoff Sounds like a
was a popular comedian. Club mana-
parentS didn't tell me we were Jewish
caricature. Maybe he encourages it.)
gers — friends — would hire me as a
until I was 14 years old. I identify
"It's a big agency, like William Mor-
waiter and let me perform. I wasn't as
with Jewish people, but I don't get
ris.
desperate as other people, but it took
involved." •
"Here you can be star of show.
two years.
As a result, few -- almost none
There, you play 10 or 15 minute spots
"The first six months here were
—
of
Smirnoff's jokes deal with
in a Lawrence Welk type of show. I -really hard. But after Russia, every-
Jevvishness. Most fall .into tviro,
couldn't go any further in comedy
thing was wonderful. I didn't know
categories: How bad things are in
there. I decided to come to the United
English. I had to learn survival
Russia
and how strange things are in
States. I like challenges. And I was
communication. I had a girl friend
the
United
States. And he gets a lot of
one of those fortunate people who had
who was teaching me several things.
mileage
out
of those. It's a wry, al.:
the opportunity to meet people from
English was one of them.
most
sophisticated
kind of humor
other countries.
'I went to bartender's schooland
with
a
mildly
satirical
edge to it,
"My parents and I decided to
got a job at Grossinger's, in the
probably not much different than his
material' in Russia; although there '
you could hardly get away with some
of the cracks he makes about the
USSR. For example: •
"If you're a comedian in Russia
HLBAA HALE. CJALLUE
and you say, 'Take my wife, please,'
LIBRARY, C
when you go home, she's gone."
WAT TEN NOTW:A!), LltnIkiAm
Or, "You have things here that
OHIO
we don't have in Russia, like warning
shots."

Or, "We have game shows on
Russian TV, like 'Bowling for Food."
According to / Smirnoff, audi-
ences on both sides of the ocean like
similar kinds of humor, except, he
says, that Russians don't eat before
they come to the show. The've spent
the whole day waiting in food lines
and they're•too hungry to enjoy a
good belly laugh.
"Also," he said. "They are careful
what they laugh at. They double
check before they laugh, so you get a
delay between the joke and the reac-
tion. And, of course, you've got to be
careful what you say." When Smir-
noff came to this country, well-
meaning friends in New York told
him, "forget comedy."
"They still say so," he said.
"They were watching the Donnie and
Marie show when I arrived and they
said, 'You can never top that.' But I
did Stanley. Segal's show in New
York and I heard the laughter again.
I had to get back to comedy."
Smirnoff's career in the U.S.
took off after he played the Comedy
Store in Los Angeles. Now he plays
about 50 clubs around the country,
working two weeks out of every
month and earning enough to buy
himself a Rolls Royce. Needless to
say, he has been doing very well. A
year ago Playboy wrote him up, he
appeared in People magazine in Feb-
ruary and had his personality pro-
filed (but not his body) in Playgirl
this month. He has a part in the
movie, Moscow on the Hudson, and
another in something called Buc-
karoo Banzai for Twentieth Century
Fox.
"My ambition is to perform at the
White House and get my citizenship
(he applied about a year ago) from
whoever is in office." ,
I asked Smirnoff whether he was
scheduled to play Detroit in the near
future. He grinned impishly.
"Why would I (16 that?" he said.
"I escaped from Russia, didn't I?"

A few samples

"We ,don't have dogfood in Rus-
sia, because dogs are food."

•

"In Russia, they have competi-
tions for the best political joke. The
first prize is 20 Years."

"In Russia, comedians have cap-
tured audiences."

"Russian designer jeans: Calvin
Kremlin."
•
•
"In the USSR they have Russian
Express. Their slogan is, 'Don't leave
home.',"

