16
Friday, April 6, 1984
THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS
Sharon Padzensky
559-4757
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GOI
I do on families get a far
bigger reaction than when I
do the CIA or cost overruns
at the Pentagon. If I do ones
about kids coming home
from college, there's an im-
mediate reaction from
everyone who has a college
kid."
Because Buchwald hasn't
worked out a formula for his
humor, he is open to criti-
cism and suggestions. He
often takes a column across
the hall for columnists
Evans and Novak to read.
Rowland Evans usually
grades the columns, giving
Buchwald an A or a B or a C.
Buchwald said he nearly
always gets an A when he
mentions Evans' name in
the column.
Since Evans and Novak
are not known for their pro-
Israeli views and since
Buchwald is the only Jew on
the floor, they blame
Buchwald for anything Is-
rael does. "Did you see what
you did this morning?" they
once asked. "You killed
eight Palestinian refugees."
To which Buchwald an-
swered, "I had to."
Another time, a bomb
squad sealed off their floor
after a bomb threat against
Evans and Novak's offices.
Buchwald claimed the
Jewish Defense League sent
the bomb and that he
wouldn't die for the colum-
nists' sins.
Buchwald's most difficult
subject for his column is Is-
rael. "I have different feel-
ings about it than the pre-
sent Israeli government. I
have never been for the
West Bank settlements.
And I have gotten into ter-
rible arguments with
Jewish friends on that.
think Israel will have to
face the costly problem we
did in Vietnam — protect-
ing your own people. Israel
will have to deal with an
Arab population that out-
numbers you to such a de-
gree that the only way you
can stay there is by military
force. I can't see a day when
Israel will not have to be
militarily involved on the
West Bank to protect its
people."
Buchwald sees the United
States becoming increas-
ingly mired in the "quag-
mire" of the Middle East.
"Reagan doesn't have the
answers. "Nobody does. I
think that's one of the rea-
sons why Reagan has sud-
dently gotten much closer to
Israel. He hopes that Israel
might have some answers. I
think his dream is that Is-
rael would take care of
Syria for him so he wouldn't
have to deal with it.
"My main concern is that
we're hell-bent on somebody
getting us into a serious
war" — in the Middle East
or elsewhere. "It's like two
trains and we're all waiting
for the crash. And nobody
seems to be trying to avoid
it. The Reagan foreign pol-
icy is to be tough with the
Russians because they're
the only thing that's bad.
And I imagine that the Rus-
sian philosophy is to be
tough with the Americans.
When you have the super-
powers snarling at each
other, it's very dangerous.
We should really be work-
ing to keep the so-called 'lit-
tle wars' from spreading
into big wars."
Buchwald is uncertain
whether a possible war can
be avoided with humor. "I
certainly don't know. I do it
because I feel I have to.
After 'The Day After' (the
recent ABC show on nuclear
warfare), I saw all those
great minds discussing the
atomic holocaust. One of the
most respected was Elie
Wiesel. When he didn't
have an answer, I threw up
my hands and said, 'Well, if
he doesn't have an answer,
how can I?' "
Despite that demurral,
Buchwald does seeom to
have an answer for every-
thing. Take the South
Bronx, America's favorite
slum. Countless dollars
have beeen promised for the
area and nary a cent has
come through. Buchwald's
answer is to invite Castro to
build a 10,000 foot airplane
runway amid the blight.
"The SOuth Bronx would
become a dagger pointed
right at Scarsdale We
couldn't stand for that."
No president would. So
the U.S. Marines and the
82nd Airborne would be
sent in to stop the construc-
tion. "The president would
go to Congress and ask for
millions of dollars to keep
the borough from falling
into the Communist camp.
He could make the Bronx
the showcase of the Western
Hemisphere and persuade
everyone that the United
States will really help those
who turn their backs on
Castro."
On office harassment,
that current bane of women,
and one of the alleged favo-
rite indoor sports of men,
the persona Buchwald uses
in his column discussed the
crisis with Several women
in a Washington cafeteria.
"If you like the guy and
think he's cute, he's flirting
with you," said one woman.
"If you don't like him, he's
harassing you."
Asked whether there was
any harassment in his own
office, Buchwald answered,
"Only by my secretary."
As we wrapped up the
interview and Buchwald
ushered me toward the door,
he pointed me to the hate
mail on the walls. "Most of it
comes from religious fana-
tics," he said. "They say
they'll pray for me. A few
gun nuts say they'll shoot
me."
Too bad the letter writers
don't have a better sense of
humor. They might have a
better time laughing than
cleaning their shotguns.
JWB Parley
New York — Dr. David
Hartman, Hebrew Univer-
sity professor and director of
the Sholom Hartman Insti-
tute of Advanced Studies in
Jerusalem, will be the
scholar-in-residence at the
1984 biennial convention of
JWB, April 25-29 in Boston.