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THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS
$4 't
U.S. Sailors Visit Haifa Again
Some Funny Lines Are in 'Jewish Laffs'
Jews laugh, even in sad
times. They satirize and are
often cynical.
Their puns are unlimited,
in spite of the pressures that
assail them, as Jews and as
citizens, as members of the
Jewish Kehila and as
Americans.
Henry D. Spanding pro-
ves the validity of such uni-
versality in "Jewish Laffs"
(Jonathan David Pub-
lishers). Line drawings as
illustrations by Alex Bloch
give the stories the proper
touch to the humorous.
Cantor and rabbi, house-
wife, husband and wife,
merchant and bargainer, all
are in the cast of characters
in this small but enticing
paperback.
Sampled stories ex-
plain the pragmatism in
the selectivity of these
stories by Spanding.
Surely, utilization of a
famous name is authentic.
Therefore this story and its
reference to Stephen S.
Wise is worth quoting:
"Early in his rabbinic
career, the great Dr.
Stephen S. Wise met a col-
league who was astride a
remarkable horse that he
had just purchased.
" 'The horse is perfectly
sound,' raved the owner of
the horse. 'He can go in any
gait — walk, pace, trot or
gallop. He will stand in one
place without hitching,
work anywhere you put
him, pull a carriage, a wa-
gon, plow — anything.
" 'He's perfectly gentle,
though full of spirit, goes
when you want him to,
and stops when you say,
`Whoa.' He has no bad
traits, doesn't bite or
kick. He comes im-
mediately when you call
him, and he doesn't run
off when he sees some-
thing strange."
the state of the world.
`The trouble with this
country is, it didn't listen
to George Washington,'
she said. 'He warned us
about foreign
entanglements, but did
we listen? No! Are we lis-
tening now? No!
" 'It's
the
same
" 'Oh, well, we didn't do so
bad after all,' reasoned one
of the robbers. 'At least we
got $30 between us.'
" 'I told you to stay away
from those Jews,' snarled
the leader. 'When we
started we had $60!' "
There is a bit of philos-
ophy in this chestnut:
"Etta was bemoaning
ir; 1 t IL
i
I
" 'You mean you lived
on the Lower East Side,
on Rivington Street?'
asked the aged man, a
note of surprise in his
voice.
" 'I was brought up there.'
"The old man's manner
everywhere,' she continued. was much warmer now; in-
`The Russians, they're in deed, it was almost cordial.
Poland, Hungary, and God `So why are you dressed like
knows hovi many other a goyishe clown?'
" 'It's the way we dress in
countries; the British
they're in Hong Kong; the California. I moved out
Cubans they're in Africa; there many years ago,- but
the Americans they're - in decided to spend my re-
Europe, and the Brooklyn maining years back here,
Dodgers they're in Los where I belong. In my heart,
Angeles.
I really never left New
" 'That's the whole trou- York's Lower East Side.'
ble with this meshuggeneh
" 'Well, well,' said the
world: nobody's home!' "
There are many tempting patriarch, the shade of a
pieces, and they must be left smile appearing on his
to the reader in search of face, `so you're Jake's
many laughs. Just a bit brother from Rivington
more of philosophy for quo- Street . . . Nu, in that
tation as a recommendation case, maybe it will rain!'
for "Jewish Laffs":
There are no off-color
"It was Isaac's first day stories in this collective ef-
at the Hebrew Home for fort at making people laugh
the Aged. Though some at Jewish jokes, but this one
error in the admissions comes close:
office, the staff had failed
"Barney Greenspan,
to introduce him to the weary after a hard day be-
other residents, as was hind the counter, decided to
the custom. But Isaac, close his grocery store early
unabashed, decided to and surprise his wife. He
strike up a few friend- not only surprised her, he
ships on his own. He am- also surprised Yankel the
bled out to the patio, baker, in whose arms she
where a group of other was languishing. It would
old-timers were convers- have been bad enough had
ing. As the stranger ap- he found them in the living
proached, they viewed room, or even the kitchen,
him with silent disap- but all this hanky-panky
proval.
was being performed in
"Compared to the others, Barney's own bedroom.
Isaac did indeed look differ-
" 'Stay right where you
ent — almost alien. He was are!' yelled the outraged
attired in white pants and Greenspan. 'I'm getting my
tennis shoes, and he sported gun. I'll be right back.'
a flowered Hawaiian shirt.
" 'Now hold on,' protested
His voice was confident, his Yankel. 'We're civilized
walk a swagger. The little men. So let's act reason-
group regarded him sus- able.'
piciously.
" 'This is a time, by you,
" 'Good morning, gentle- for reasonable discussions?
man,' Isaac greeted them You want to talk philos-
cheerily, in perfect English. ophy, maybe?'
" 'What's so good?' said
" `No, but I think we
the eldest of the group, look-
can
make a deal. What do
ing up at the sky. 'You can't
you say we play a game of
see the clouds?'
"Rabbi Wise looked ad-
miringly at the animal and
added, 'I wish that horse
were a member of my
synagogue.' "
Senior citizens will surely
enjoy this tale of heroism:
"A trio of crooks, figuring
on an extra big haul, de- _ "Somewhat taken
cided to make a mass rob- aback at the coolness of
berty by breaking into the the reception, Isaac tried
Kansas City Hebrew Home again.
" 'It does look like rain,
for senior citizens. The last
thing in the world they ex- doesn't it?' he said.
" 'It won't rain,' said a
pected was resistance, but
the supposedly_ decrepit re- second oldster in a tone of
tirees acted like anything clouds —'
"It won't rain!' insisted
but senior citizens.
"The robbers were hit the first oldster._ _
with canes, crutches, fly-
ing bedpans, even a pair
of false teeth. Their hair
was pulled, their faces
scratched, and their ears
and noses punched and
bitten. Bruised nad
bloody, the robbers made
a hasty exit, happy to get
away from the angry old-
sters.
cried Isaac. 'He was my
older brother.'
"A daunting silence
ensued. Isaac fidgeted in
his- embarrassment. The
older man fixed him with
a. cold and hostile eye.
`What's your name?' he
finally asked, as though
seeking to classify a curi-
ous zoological specimen.
" 'My name is Ellenbogen
— Isaac Ellenbogen."
"Hmm, a name like that I
don't forget,' said the pat-
riarch. 'There used to be a
Jake Ellenbogen on
Rivington Street — 40, 50
years ago. He was a baker.'
He scanned Isaac's clothes
and shook his head. 'I don't
suppose you ever heard of
him.'
" 'But of course I did,'
5
,i A.11(
# '
A
gin rummy, with your
wife going to the winner?
If I lose, I promise never
to see her again. If you
lose, then you'll divorce
her so I can marry her.
How about it?'
" 'Well, okay,' said
Greenspan after thinking it
over, 'but how about also
playing for a penny a point,
to make it interesting?' "
Kosher Fraud
Fines Levied
NEW YORK (JTA) — A
total of 22 cases involving,
violations of a New York
state labeling law which
forbids misrepresentation
of food as kosher were set-
tled during the second quar-
ter of 1982.
There were total pay-
ments of $4,900 in civil
penalties, according to
Rabbi Schulem Rubin, di-
rector of the Kosher Law
Enforcement Division of
the New York State De-
partment of Agriculture
and Markets.
a 6 ,
• . -
A
Friday, December 10, 1982 49
Henry D. Spanding has
authored five books on
humor. They include
"Encyclopedia of Jewish
Humor" and "Treasure
Trove of Jewish Humor."
The illustrator of "Jewish
Laffs," Alex Bloch, is a
Soviet Jew who trained at
the College of Scenic Art of
Moscow.
HAIFA (JNI) — More Lebanon.
than 1,000 men of the U.S.
Many of the men toured
6th Fleet arrived in Haifa Israel, and 42 Haifa
Nov. 23. The fleet's visits to families invited sailors to
Israel were suspended at spend Thanksgiving at
the outbreak of the war in their homes.
TStatt Jacks
4108 W. MAPLE ROAD
Jewish Singles
Indianapolis Unit
BIRMINGHAM, MICHIGAN 48010
NEW YORK (JTA) —
The Jewish Welfare Feder-
ation of Indianapolis has
started the second year of its
Young Adult Division pro-
gram set up to deal with an
expanding population of
young single Jews in cen-
tral Indiana.
The program stresses
leadership development
and includes a lecture
series, cocktail hour and
participation in the. United
Jewish Appeal National
Singles Mission.
2 for 1
Telehtitu Bitting etth
Become a member of the
Telehritu Dining Cula
Join Now!
Memorial Built
Consider membership for a
gift for all occasions for
family and friends.
NEW YORK (JTA) — A
memorial to victoms of the
Holocaust has been dedi-
cated by the Rochester
Jewish community.
The memorial is in the
form of a 10-foot-high men-
ora with one of its branches
broken off and with barbed
wire around its base. It
stands in the courtyard of
the Jewish Community
Center of Rochester.
call 626-2630
9 A.M. to 5 P.M.
MONDAY thru FRIDAY
CELEBRATE
New Years Eve
at the
Northfield Hilton
Plan 1 (Grand Ballroom): Open bar • Cocktail hour • Hors D'Oeuvres
Four-course prime rib champagne, dinner • After-dinner cordials.
Dinner show • Dance music • Hats and favors • Overnight
accommodations • Eye-opener buffet brunch • Swimming, saunas,
parking, color televisions • All tips and taxes • Late check-out
'175 per couple
Plan 2 (Grand Ballroom): Same as above without overnight
accommodations and brunch buffet
'125 per couple
Plan 3 (Wicker Works/Hurley's): Choice of complete Prime Rib or
Shrimp Tempura dinner • Bottle of wine • All tips and taxes • Everything
included in Plan 4
5 103
per couple
Plan 4 (Hurley's): All cocktails • Live entertainment and dancing
Champagne toast • Hats and favors • After-midnight snack • All tips
and taxes
5 65
per couple
For more Information on any of the above plans, call 879-2100. Space
is limited, so reserve early!
Holiday Gift Certificates available by calling 879-2100.
][ NORTHFIELD HILTON
N1P..t
.••• ■ •
•91.
.P.9.9
W.9.•••.
Crooks at 1-75 • Troy • 879-2100
;
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