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THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS

Danny Raskin's

The Best of Everything

By MYSTERY MUNCHER

Guest Columnist

Going out for a nice, lei-
surely dinner is a relaxing
treat, right? It should be but
sometimes dining out can
make you wish you had
opened a can of tuna fish,
uncorked a bottle of vino, lit
some candles and stayed
home.
The following is an ex-
perience of mine which may
also be familiar to you. It's
an example of a forgettable,
wish-you'd-staye d at-home
night.
You drive into a nearly-
empty restaurant parking
lot. You almost run over the
attendant as he dashes to
your car, sticks a ticket in
your hand and practically
shoves you out of your seat
in his anxiety to provide
valet service.
You walk into the inti-
mate, dimly-lit dining
spot. Three hostesses
dressed in slinky satin
evening gowns welcome
you by demanding, "Do
you have a reservation?"
As your eyes become ac-
customed to the darkness,
you see two occupied tables.
But the hostesses get into a
huddle and study the reser-
vation sheet to determine if
you can gain entry as couple
number three.
You pass the acid test and
two hostesses order you to
follow them to your seats of
honor. They both go in
different directions but you
follow the one who seats you
next to the men's room. You
ask for a better table and
you're seated next to the
kitchen.
You're beginning to
think it's not your night
but it's all downhill from
here on in. If you're a
female, your male part-
ner eyes the scantily-
dressed cocktail waitress
from her plunging
neckline to her long,
black-net stockinged
legs. You may develop an
instant hatred for the
buxom cocktail waitress.
If you're a man and your
female companion or spouse
is on a diet, she may ask the
waitress to give a run-
down on the white wines —
not only the names but taste
descriptions. The waitress
rolls her eyes as if to say,
"What farm did you come
from; lady?"
thist to be spiteful, the
diet-conscious one orders
vodka and club soda with a
double twist of lime. The
waitress looks disgusted
and brings vodka and tonic
which sounds more
compatible-like bacon and
ggs.
You're satisfied with your
scotch and soda but your
partner thinks the cocktail
waitress and the bartender
are out to get her and she
sends back her drink. She
orders white wine. She's al-
ready forgotten the brand
names.
You're a little embar-
rassed, but the scotch is
beginning to unwind you
and making you feel like
a second shot. You get the

-

,

feeling, however, that the
voluptuous
cocktail
waitress is ignoring you.
But along comes your
friendly, cheerful well-
rehearsed dinner waitress,
bouncy but not sexy.
"Good evening, welcome
to our restaurant," she bub-
bles. "My name is Linda and
I'll be serving you tonight.
Our specials are cheese soup
a la broccoli sprouts, lamb
stew a l'orange, beef
Stroganoff sauteed in beer
and rum butter, fresh
striped bass stuffed with
oysters, anchovies and ar-
tichokes and tenderloin tips
a la brandy flambe. Are you
ready to order?"
"Give us a few minutes to
look over the menu," you
reply as Rodney, your bus
boy, introduces himself and
brings you ice water. You
'need that second Scotch and
you ask Rodney to send over
the cocktail waitress. He
says he'll try, but he's in a
different union. In the
meantime, he takes away
your unfinished drinks.
Your sexy cocktail
waitress reappears and
you order a second
round. She brings your
partner another vodka
and tonic and you're
ready for an Alka Seltzer.
You'll settle for two aspi-
rin but the restaurant is
prohibited from dispens-
ing medication.
The fattening vodka and
tonic has been replaced with
white wine and you're
enjoying your second scotch
when Linda comes trotting
by. With an ingratiating
smile she asks, "Are you
folks ready to order yet?"
She doesn't care if you want
to relax and prolong your
dinner. She's bored because
the restaurant isn't busy.
Since the turnover is
scanty, she knocks herself
out to get a big tip from the
few diners she's serving.
Now come the questions.
Does the bass have a head?
Is it fresh? Can you get the
lamb stew without the
orange sauce? What has the
least calories?
The waitress looks puz-
zled and admits she hasn't
served many specials today.
But she will find out from
the chef. While you've been
busy interrogating the
waitress about the bill 'of
fare, Rodney has conscien-
tiously snatched your half-
finished drinks from your
table.
The waitress returns
and suggests you try the
striped bass which can-
not be served without the
stuffing. You're ashamed
to ask the price but you
pass on the escargot ap-
petizer and the cheese
soup a la broccoli spr-
outs.
The salad comes with
your dinner so you order it
with Roquefort dressing on
the side. It's served
drenched in blue cheese
dressing which is menu
misrepresentation accord-
ing to the Michigan Restau-
rant Association and a vio-
(Continued on Page 32)

Friday, February 13, 1981

Israeli Chaim Topol Stars in Two New Films

By YITZHAK RABI

Chaim Topol, the only in-
ternationally known movie
star Israel has ever pro-
duced, is in the 'news again.
After a few years of main-
taining a "low profile," as
far as show business was
concerned, Topol is resum-
ing his career as a motion
picture actor, but in roles
that are a far cry from his
most famous part to date,
that of Tevya in "Fiddler on
the Roof."
The recently released mo-
tion picture "Flash Gor-
don," in which Topol ap-
pears in one of the leading
roles, is a box office success
in London and other Euro-
pean capitals. Topol por-
trays a scientist (Prof. Zar-
kov) who joins Flash Gordon
on a space mission to save
Earth.
Currently, Topol is ap-
pearing _in front of the
cameras in London and
other European locations in
the latest James Bond
movie, opposite Roger

raeli stage, his rise to
stardom and episodes
from his life and meetings
around the world. The
book is being written
simultaneously in
English and Hebrew and
is expected to be in
bookstores this spring.

Moore.
In addition to resuming
his film career, Topol is
about to publish his first
book with his own draw-
ings. The book is an
autobiography and will
include details of the ac-
tor's first steps on the Is-

Rabbi Isaac Lesser was
the first American trans-
lator of the Hebrew. Bible.

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