Intermarriage: New Look at an Old Problem

By CIIARLOTTE DUBIN

que experiences and attitudes they
bring
to in
that
marriage. with
Doe she
convert
accordance
his

Who hasn't heard the much'
belabored joke about the • Jewish wishes? Or his parents' home?
Or
a Jewish wishes?
mother-in-law who, completely out- Does he want
practiced by her converted Baugh-
''
does
he
encourage
her to keep her
of
ter-in-law's zealous practice Why own faith? Or doesn't,he care, one
wish ritual,
-remarks:
„
Je
couldn't
my son
have married
a way or the other? Will the chit-
•dren be brought up as Jews? Or
nice Jewish girl'?"
,with "both" religions? Is the
to fact as
story , ' couple married by a rabbi? Or,
As clos e be—with
its this
implica-
because he refuses, by a justice of
often may
tion that a converted Jew may be the peace?
more "Jewish" than the Jew he
In each instance, what is lost
or she married—few issues can so
spark dismay in the hearts of and what is gained? Statistics

.

a

,e•

They (Orthodox and Reform) do Millgram, "the Jewish park
M.
for required to attend the inst-kui‘s •
"At one t me. " said Rabbi o f not accept the same criteria
me
conversion, and this is a grave tion sessions as well as the non-
Robert.

them. Jewish party. This is a basic
Temple I s r a e. I. point of contention between
requirement without which I will
"the ghetto and But an intermarried couple which a , Dot undertake to convert the
of
kept conforms to the regulations
dietary laws
branch of Judaism is con- non-Jew."
e c ific within that branch, to be 1 Within Orthodoxy there is more
sidered•
Jews in a C011- sp
meat. There
full members of the Jewish corn- , unanimity of opinion on the issue
trolled
envi r were
0
of intermarriage and conversion
than among Conservative rabbis,
built-in ba rriers. 'nullity.
Orthodox and Conservative rob-
ast'
Of
the
case
his,
for
example,
who
follow
the
whose
adherence to halakhic rules
kak
Te
o n runs the gamut of almost-Orthodox
a s r u t.
know that if you rules of Hataklia (Jewish law)
can't eat with a conversion, insist upon circum- to almost-Reform.
m that conversion
person, you can't cision for males and immersion in takes
But is
the
form
less
of issue within the
socialize with ritual waters.
The Reform conversion, which Reform movement than is the
question of whether premarital
'I • bar-

.
we're playing Rabbi S,, me II .
Jewish parents than the prospect cannot
no like Orthodox and Conservative conversion takes place at all.
And, as games,
long as guess the gain riers are, to a large extent.
Jewish studies during
of a son or daughter "marrying
Reform rabbis accept marriage
longer in existence. Every barrier stresses
the period of preparation, re- as a valid reason for conversion
guessing
out."
has been remed.'
On the collier
ov
to
the
Jewish
corn-
quires neither circumcision nor and where possible, encourage a
orn loss
"young people are meet-
College students have a wide
like i !unity in this case: Jew mar- - mg each other for the
}
first time immersion. Orthodox do not period of study prior to marriage
repertoire of "parent stories,"
to build a home
recognize such a conversion.
really
thought
my
',.i
ies
Jewess
only
that is not dissimilar to the Con-
on an unrestricted basis.-
this one: "1
parents were cool, very liberal. empty of Jewish practice, coin-
Ilavim Donin is an American- servative procedure.
Rabbi Ilayim Donin, of Cong.
even awareness.
any-
nii
men
,
Rabbi Philip Berkowitz of Tem-
trained rabbi. The "modern Ortho-
They never pushed me into drugs, Once again, statistics fail us.
Bnai David (Orthodox) went so
thing. They knew I'd tried
far as to caution parents that doxy„ of his synagogue bears the ple Beth Jacob, Pontiac, teaches a
culture in a course once entitled "Conversion
like, I could talk to them about it.' Dr. Irving Greenberg, professor
they try to send their children s tamp of American
They knew I dated gentile girls. of history at Yeshiva University,
to local universities ("to avoid way that foreign-trained rabbis Studies," but now called "Intro-
duction to Judaism," under the
alien.
But when I told them I was going doesn't mince words. "The growth
the total break with family and would find
to marry one, they threw me out." of intermarriage is a threat to
But the regulations of Halakha auspices of the Metropolitan De-
the immediate presence of
least
troit Federation of Reform Syna-
Or this letter to The Jewish the persiste n c e
mother and father"), or . at
are as binding on him as they
News from a teen-age girl: of the Jewish
to a university with a large Jew are on the most "traditional" of gogues.
"We changed the name last
community,"
he
Orthodox
rabbis.
In
accordance
ish
student
body
and
provision
". . . I often hear: 'You can
for Jewish practice, such as a with that law, Rabbi Donin dis- June," he said, "in accordance
only date #nd marry within our wrote to The
with
a change in approach. We
rt
courages the would-be convert-for-
religion; otherwise you are no J e w i s•h News.
kosher dining club.
,
longer a member of this house- "How e v e r, the
But, he admitted, no parent can marrage s-sake, of whom he sees don't just demand conversion; in
be issued a guarantee that sonic some three to five per year- At fact, the bulk of the rabbis I know
hold' from the parents of my greatest threat is
will demand both the convert and
friends . . , Fine, so we date ignorance and
"erosion" will not occur.
' the same time, he admits to aP-
Jewish.
But
then
'wasteland'
of
the
and marry
How much erosion takes place proaching "any legitimate conver- the Jewish partner to take the
course at the same time."
may depend on the myriad in of P ion request with sympathy."
• some kid asks: 'Why don't we Jewish home.
By agreement of all federa'-'
ences that came long before col- s As far as mixed marriage (that
keep kosher, Mom? Why do you Where there is Dr. Greenberg
tion members, any Reform rabbi
bring shrimp into the house? deep commitment and a vibrant lege entrance. And for this reason,
Rabbi William A. Greenebaum II, between Jew and unconverted
in the area may refer a would-
Why do you only get to shule Jewish life, the willingness to pass
• in of Flint's Temple Beth El, con- Gentile) is concerned, it is no issue
be convert to the 15-week studies ,
on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kip- up an intermarriage, even
that at all for Rabbi Donin or for his course. An "elective" in Bible;
considerably
greater.
the
fulest
the
siders
it
equally
serious
love,
is
pur? I want to foil
among
synagogue
members
there
Orthodox
and
Conservative
collea-
Jewish thought or history is an
of the Law like they teach me Alternatively, the likelihood of
partner to a serious has been "a greater falling away gues. "We cannot and do not per- additional requirement.
a converting
in the Hebrew school you send
and par- : form a marriage between a Jew
Jewish
life
is
great.
While
nominal
At the conclusion of the Session,
from
active
devotion
to
me to.'
"The reply: 'I don't want you "- conversions are better than noth- ticipation in the services and pro-' and a non-Jew. Jewish law does the potential convert returns to
grams
of
the
synagogue
.
.
.
that
not
accord
any
religious
validity
his sponsor rabbi for conversion
they
, coming in and telling me how to ing, it is my feeling d that
• whatsoever to such a marriage— and/or any supplementary study
t rd an
is greater secularization.
run my house. When you have only intensify the tren
Rabbi Israel I. Halpern of even if you break a hundred glas- and counseling he may deem
your own, you can do whatever empty Jewish life which will lead I , Said
•
!
)- ses and put up a dozen huppot
I to a more radical break in the C
e th Ab ra h am (0 thodox .
necessary.
Cong. B eth
you want.'
I "Our Jewish boys and girls leave (canopies)."
In the past year, Rabbi Berko-
"So," the young letter writer next generation."
weve r, the non -J ew agrees witz has taught 78 in his class.
home
unprepared,
both
by
educa-
I
If,
ho
Dr.
nversi
concludes, "you're probably won-1 "The basic fact," says
hic valid co
h akal
dering what' all this means. What Greenberg: an Orthodox rabbi, "is tion and home atmosphere, to cope I prio
to a r al
h e or she may Twenty-two of them were men.
I'm trying to make you realize is that in an open society, inter- with their religious problems."
to marriage, the reason for He added that 28 of the 78 took
the reason, whether it not use marriage as
the course out of a general inter-
that you're saying: 'Marry Jew- marriage inevitably rises. The Whatever
a serious be youthful rebellion against the that conversion. Judaism must be est in Jewish studies, rather than
real treatment is
ish, but don't be Jewish.' Why?
- -y- only
and vibrant Jewish life. Without parental establishment, lack of embraced out of "conviction" and as a stepping stone to marriage.
motive."
It's beyond me!"
"since rit
Rabbi Greenebaum sees the con-
There is not a rabbi in this city that, even fully Jewish marriages concern for Jewish identity or,
Detro y it's of Council of Orthodox
who hasn't felt the same anguish,. can only spell a bleak future any- quite simply, love, an increasing
a permanent version process as "a most per-
' number of these Jewish boys and Rabbis has set up
sonal and often difficult experi-
the same perplexity expressed way.''
On /this point, Dr. Greenberg girls are coming to the rabbi's committee which meets once a
• month to interview candidates ence for the prospective convert"
here. Most, if not all, have verbal-
ish fiance.
with
Rabbi
Ira
Eisen-
study
with
a
non-Jew
and so prefers individual (or cou-
ly dried the tears of countless concurs
rabbis queried for conversion. Referred by the ple) study to a class situation. He
parents who "can't understand stein,
president of F the
to the
• constructionist
o u Jewish
n d a t i Re-
o n: According
by The Jewish
News, most are rabbi whose counsel he sought,
requires some 11/2 hours' study
where we went wrong."
There is no doubt that a sharp Jewish males seeking to marry the candidate must express the per week, attendance at Sabbath
-
Erich
Rosenthal's ' increase
rs ag ish
Six years
S
Intermarriage
in intermarriage would Gentile girls. However, Rabbi willingness to study Judaism,
its
and other services on a regular
more concepts and history, laws and basis and participation in as much
"Studies of
in the United States" had the Jew- be a threat to the community. Syme
noted
are
observances for 10 months to a
Jewish
girls that
than there
in the past.
congregation activity as possible.
ish community aflutter with anx- However, a far greater threat, it
year.
it h a differ
And they come wit
"This process may take six
When this period of study is
iety over his statistics to the effect , seems to me, consists in the ignor-
u e than in the past.
that marriages of Jews to non-' ante and indifference in Jews to ant attit as little as 10 years ago, completed, the proselyte goes months; it may take two years,"
he
said. "This, of course, will vary
Jews were on a numerical disas- that heritage, whether they are "While
an incidence of intermarriage through the final procedure of cir-
single or married to other Jews." would bring violent reaction cumcision, a verbal commitment greatly with the individuals in-
ter course.
Nine times out of 10 the
There's nothing new about
from the Jewish family and the to observe the mitzvot (corn- volved.
Dr. Jacob Rader Marcus, his-
individual knows when he or she
intermarriage. In fact, accord-
Jewish community," said Rabbi mandments) and immersion in the is 'ready' to convert. For converts
toiran and director of the Amer-
ing to a 1967 study by the Ceti-
Hillel Millgram of Cong. Beth mikva—all in the presence of three
ican Jewish Archives, took a
who remain in our community, our I
tral Conference of American
Israel, Flint (Conservative), rabbis.
more recent "educated guess":
they join
Rabbis (Reform), the rate of
Conservative rabbis don't look at require also that
Conservative
"such is rare today. I know of
"I think that the genet I aver-
following conversion,
intermarriage—and consequently
age for the country today would
many cases of persons who, 10 conversion in quite the same man- congregation
assimilation
of the
Jew into the
ner.
When
they
(a specifically
couple planning that is, that they make application
or 15 years ago,
run between 15 and 20 per
environ-
predominantly gentile
i
'broke off' with a non-Jewish to marry) come to me interested for membership."
cent."
The conversion itself can be a
meat
of
American
society
—
s
partner and married a Jew due in conversion," states Rabbi Mill-
But, while no one is denying lower now than during the early
emotional experience, as
to the adamant opposition of gram, "I level with them. I feel very
that intermarriages are on the years of Jewish settlement from
much
for the witness as for the
family and friends, but I cannot that they should know that, de-
rise, there is more than one way
convert
himself. "I make it almost
1654 to 1840.
think of one such case over the spite conversion, they will still
my confirmation
to look at figures.
face far more problems in their mandatory that
The only exception to that CCAR- last few years,"
Prof. Leonard Fein, the respect-
view the ceremony," said
finding was the intermarriage No matter what their approach married life than if both had been classes
ed young associate director of the
born into the same faith. Nonethe- Rabbi Berkowitz. "It is a ritual
MIT-Harvard Joint Center • for ratio (15 per cent) on college cam- —and, again, they vary widely—
one position on less, if they are sincere, I am will- that leaves the youngsters silent
Urban Studies, did a little survey puses, which matched the historic all rabbis take
the Jewish people: it ing to convert the non-Jewish and very moved•"
of his own this year. On the basis figures. survival of
The ceremony, preceded by a
It is the American college, with is non-negotiable. If intermarriage party.
of his 'sample, taken among 200
Jew•
"Parenthetically," he added, "I question-answer session on
all its irreverance for tradition, threatens that survival, they will
in
the
Boston
Jewish families
ish studies, includes blessings
impude
p l ce toward comfortable fight it to a man. They do not all should say that my biggest prob-
area, Dr. Fein concluded that its
and readings from the Bible,
its tantalizing promise of agree, however, that intermarri- lems often come from the 'Jewish'
If the
intermarriage turned out to be a beliefs,
all before the open Ark. she
equal op tunity, that puts Jew- ' age will lead. to communal anni- party. There is a lot that has to
re-
numerical gain instead of a loss.
convert is a woman,
' he unlearned."
ish life to the ultimate test. 1 hilation.
the bib-
The number of Jews and chil-
When The Jewish News asked How they confront the issue Not hound by the regulations set ceives the name of Ruth, among
dren brought up as Jews as a re-
convert to Judaism
number of local rabbis to coin . when a young couple seeks to forth by the Council of Orthodox lical
sult of the marriage, Dr. Fein a
whose descendants was King
mint on trends in intermarriage marry is as individual as the rabbi Rabbis, Rabbi Millgram eases up

contends, outnumbered any loss
confront its attend- himself and the branch of Juda- on the length of the instruction David. The name of the patriarch
how they
through falling away from the and
Abraham is conferred upon the
ant problems, replies showed wide ism he represents. All those of period. For -sonic six months, the
a
shortage
Jewish faith,or through
Con- Reform persuasion were anxious to , prospective convert follows a set male.
variance
between
Orthodox,
are
husbands
for
Jewish
of Jewish
Circumcision and immersion must
servative and Reform. But there discuss the question, for many curriculum of studies and counsel-
women.
have been wrestling with it for ing sessions, covers a required not required, but the converJewish
was
agreement
on
one
Point:
a
The trouble with statistics is, I
por_ some time.
, list of books and learns to read promise to establish
actively in th

they are just that: statistics. social — and educational — op
Every rabbi — Orthodox, Con- Hebrew.
Intermarriage (or mixed marriage, tunity is the mixed blessing that servative and Reform — stressed
But it is not the convert alone
depending on who is defining the has brought mixed marriage to it$/ from the outset that the marriage j who must study Judais
Judaism . If a
terms) is two people and the uni- present heights.
' of born Jew to validly converted marriage, or prospective mar-
ews
aew marriage.
is Jewish
-
THE DETROIT JEWISH NEWS Jew
I riage, is impending," said Rabbi
56 Friday, September 19, 1969

—

home, participate
h
life of the synagogue any
in
community and rear children
the Jewish faith.
(Concluded on Page 45)

