Friday, September 27, 1946

DETROIT JEWISH CHRONICLE and The Legal Chronicle

Page Four

9 O'clock Is 9 O'clock

By IAN STONE

"Mr. Yamowitz versus Rev.
Schwartz," announced the Secre-
tary of the Conciliation Court.
This was Maurice Stern, a dap-
per, tired looking lawyer. His
voice was high and not very
strong, and in the noisy Magis-
trates Court it was hardly heard
at all. Where did all the noiise
come from? Well, first of all
there were about ten cases on the
books for that Wednesday after-
noon from four to seven. Ten
cases meant at least twenty prin-
cipals and 75 extras, including
about fourteen children who had
to come along, what with no one
to leave them with. Fourteen
children alone, playing tag, ac-
counts for a good percentage of
the noise. Then there were report-
ers from the Yiddish press, hud-
dled around the cubicle, makin'
a regular picnic outing of the
trials. They hung around, offering
advice to the judges, discussing
each case like old wives. Once a
month covering the Conciliation
Court was a holiday. All they had
to bring back was one good story.
Now you can't leave out of ac-
count the noises coming in from
the open windows, taxi horns
boys playing boxball, mothers call-
ing children. No wonder Mr.
Stern's voice was hardly heard.
"Mr. Yamowitz versus Rev.
Schwartz," he repeated, half an
octave higher.
The three judges looked out be-
tween the two tall lamps that
flanked the Magistrate's desk. As
usual, one was a rabbi, one a
business man and the third
lawyer. This time the rabbi was
one of those young American
chaps who had just enough Yid-
dish to understand the testimony,
but not enough to ask questions.
He was uncomfortable at the Con-
ciliation Court because he was
• deprived of his usual eloquence
upon which he depended so much
for his sense of leadership. The
lawyer had grown up in the
neighborhood of the Court, and
although he now lived on Cen-
tral Park West, he was most at
home on Madison Street. His Yid-
dish was fluent and idiomatic, and
he loved to use It. Speaking gave
him the same thrill that singing
gives a singer. Being a lawyer
who had always hoped, vainly, to
be a judge, he was experiencing
the nearest possible fulfillment of
his dreams on the bench of the
Conciliation Court. His voice
boomed and he was unquestiona-
bly the only one of the three to
be the chairman. The business
man came from one of the better
department stores. He was in his
middle thirties, entirely bald, and
a little bewildered. He wasn't
sure he knew just how he got
down to this affair; he was wor-
ried about that shorthanded ac-
counting department, and wasn't

and all that goes. Only the Reve-
rend they don't give." He darted
a malignant glare at Rev.
Schwartz.
"That's where the trouble start-
ed. My partner, he had a nephew
who got married by this—this so-
called Reverend. All right! So let
be this one. I come to him and
we arrange everything. We sign
a contract—please remember there
was a CONTRACT, he should
come Saturday night at nine
o'clock to perform the ceremony.
I give him a live dollar deposit—
and so you'd think everything is
fine, ha?" Mr. Yamowitz shook
his head from side to side as
though to imply that the discre-
pancy between how fine you
think it was and how fine it was
could not be adequately put in
words.
"So, we are all in the hall. The
huppah is ready, the bride and
the groom they are ready, the
guests —I had the finest guests,
lovely people who are used to nine
o'clock being nine o'clock — and
we sit and wait. The cook had
everything fixed we should cat
half past nine ten o'clock the lat.
est. So we sit. Nine o'clock—quar-
ter past — half past — quarter to
ten. No Rev. Schwartz. Ten
o-clock rings the telephone. Ha.ha

listening very hard. But from the
benches in the courtroom, the
three judges looked equally sol-
emn and awe-inspiring.
Rev. Schwartz came forward.
He wore a Prince Albert coat,
with baggy pants, a wing collar
and a black bow. He looked
frightened although he retained
enough dignity to distinguish him
from any ordinary layman. Mr.
Yamowitz, hearing his name, al.
most ran to the desk. When he
arrived, his eye caught Rev.
Schwartz's — and he practically
sniffed.
"Your honors, this Is me, Mr.
Yamowitz, Abraham Yamowitz."
He bowed his head, as though to
receive a blessing.
The lawyer took charge.
"Who is the plaintiff in this
case?"
Mr. Yamowitz looked puzzled.
So did Rev. Schwartz.
Mr. Stern recognized the look.
He said, 'The judge wants to
know who is angry with who?"
Turning, he added, "It's Yamo-
witz versus Schwartz."
"Are you Rev. Schwartz?" he
asked.
"Yes, sir, Rev. Simon Schwartz."
"What is your profession?"
"I perform marriages, circumci-
sions, and God forbid, funerals."
"Mr. Yamowitz, what is your SEASON'S
GREETINGS
complaint?"
Mr. Yamowitz came very close,
placed his two hands confiden-
tially on the desk palms down and
leaned forward. By now, he was
only six inches from the lawyer's
face.
"Please, judges, I must tell the
9101 W. FORT ST.
story from the start."
"Take your time. No hurry."
VI. 1.2395
"Well—so I have a daughter she
should live, and I'm marrying her •: *•■■••■•••■••■•••■•
off three weeks ago last Saturday
night. My wife she should live
said Abramson's is a good place.
They -cater a fine supper, and give
the wine, the huppah (canopy)

1.

Henry Holinstat

who passed away Dec. 1, 1939

Blessed be the memory of one whom we
loved dearly.

He was an inspiration in his lifetime and
the memory of him gives us courage
in life.

•

are extended to our many
friends and patrons, with
sincerest wishes for a
Happy and Prosperous
New Year

Greetings

To our many friends

cnd customers on the

occasion of

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Rosh Hashonah Greetings

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Rosh Hashonah Greetings!

ROSH HASHONAH

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Main 0 Ifice and Store:

Rosh Hashonah Greetings!
and Good Wishes!

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In Memory of

- Mrs. Henry Holinstat and Family

Rosh Hashonah
Greetings

Ambassador
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says. Where are you? What's the
matter? You have a contract J
says nine o'clock. All right, is ten
o'clock. Do you KNOW what
time it is? So you want to hear
an answer? Rev. Schwartz is
TIED up—tied up he should be_
and he's sending us a friend.
Friends he has yet.
"Well, if you're in you're in.
Eleven o'clock comes the friend.
Eleven o'clock. My wife is hys.
terical. The guests are hungry
like wolves. Tho chicken is al
ready dry like wood. So you want.
to know who's angry with who?

May his memory be a blessing for gen-
erations to come.

WOODMERE
SCRAP IRON
8 Metal Co.

Rosh Hashonah Greetings

—Rev. Schwartz. Hello! What's
the matter, ah the people are
waiting. He's sorry, he says, he's
sorry, but he'll be late. He'll BE
late. And what is ten o'clock? All
right, I says to my wife. Don't
get excited. A man is only a man.
If he has to be late, he has to
be late. What can you do?
"Comes half past ten, the
guests are already looking at
their watches. My wife is get-
ting hysterical, my daughter is
getting white like a sheet. The
telephone rings. Now who is it?
Rev. Schwartz. For God's sake, I

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Rosh Hashonah Greetings!

UNITED
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trro
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ID

IR I B

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