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946

CLIFTON AVENUE - CINCINNATI 20, 01110

Friday January 18, 1946

DETROIT JEWISH CHRONICLE and The Legal Chronicle

Personal Problems

So They Tell Me---
By LOUIS W. ENFIELD

By W. A. GOLDBERG, Ph.D.

Director, Counselling Service

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Copyrighted, 1946, by W. A. Goldberg, Ph.D.
All rights reserved

Your questons in personal problems will bo answered
by mail as far as possible or in these columns. Send
your question and a stamped, self-addressed envel-
ope to Dr. W. A. Goldberg, 1314 Eaton Tower, De-
troit 26, Mich. or to the Detroit Jewish Chron-
icle, 525 Woodward Avenue, Detroit 26, Mich.

A Divorce Solves Nothing At All

"On the advice of friends, I divorced my husband last year. We
had ten years of more or less happy marriage. For the last two
years my former husband stayed away from home many nights or
came in late. AM I have three children, I cannot go to work and have
to depend on alimony which cornea in whenever my former husband
remembers to send it. This makes an additional burden as I cannot
plan our household expenses. I sometimes wonder if a divorce was
the right step to have taken. I know I didn't really try to find out
why he was staying out. I think I gave up too easily. An I being
sorry for myself or could there have been a chance of straightening
out our marriage?" MRS. B.K.D.

No one can tell you what you might have done or how successful
you might have been at a reconciliation. I never advise a divorce. I do
suggest, very often, an all-out campaign to make the marriage stick.
There are exceptional cases when either the wife or the husband have
no choice but to get rid of a bad bargain. There is a cost to be paid
for this riddance. I am sure that most men and women give up too
easily when marriage difficulties appear.
Every person must decide for himself whether the marriage still
has possibilities or whether all hope has evaporated. Most people
marry with every intent to remain married. Most people do not require
very much to make them happy. A man wants a clean home, meals on
time, a little sympathy, a wife with a creditable appearance, and chil-
dren who are a joy to him. A wife wants a man who has some ambi-
tion, who is a good provider, who thinks enough of her to bring home
candy or flowers once in a while or who takes her to a show or to
dinner.

When you married, did you think that the ceremony ended all
your efforts? Was he "hooked" and were you thus able to slide along
without effort? Marriage is the most serious business in the world.
It requires work all the time. Suppose your husband worked in a fish
store and came home smelling like the devil. Did you remind him of
his nasty job every day? Or did you remember that selling fish was
his livelihood and your bread and butter? Did you make him feel lord
and master at home? Or were you too busy thinking of yourself and
your own work?
It makes no difference that you may have been entirely right and
he entirely wrong. You were a partner in a marriage. Your busi-
ness was to uphold your end, if not the entire business. What did he
find in another woman that he missed at home? Did you habituate
yourself to him so deeply that all thoughts of other women were
foreign to him? Can you see the parallel to your own set of troubles?

The Price of Divorce
Where a woman finds, after mature deliberation, that divorce is
her solution, she assumes a major task. She cannot work while the
children are small. If she leaves them with relatives, they are soon
spoiled. If they are sick, she cannot work. Surprisingly enough, many
divorced or separated women have no training for a job. The answer
is either housework or training. A major question, then, in consider-
ing a divorce is: How can I be certain that my children and I will
have- an income? Not all (very few, in fact) women are fortunate
enough to get alimony regularly or to make a substantial settlement.
To most divorced women, the problem of finding work is very im-
portant.
Of course some divorcees remarry. But they have a smaller chance
of remarriage than single women. If there are children, the problem
is aggravated, not only to find a man who will take on a ready-made
family but also the adjustment of the children to a new father.
I know that it is too late now to remedy your situation, unless you
remarry your former husband. In most cases, a divorce brings on
more problems than it solves. Divorces are considered and acted upon
far too readily. Intelligent effort could solve many marriage difficulties
which seem hopeless. A divorce should be considered only in extreme
cases, when there is no hope of getting the marriage to work. The
cost of a divorce to a wife and to children is often more than the
difficulties of marriage.

Book Review

By LEON SAUNDERS

if Frenchman Sizes Up The Situation

In perusing the issues of the French magazines which appeared
just before the war, we find that La Petite Illustration, a weekly
publication concentrating mostly on novels and dramas, devoted the
whole issue of Feb. 4, 1939 to an article by Robert Dc Beauplan, en-
titled: "Un - Problem de l'heure, Le Drama Juif," "A Problem of the
Hour, The Jewish Drama." The fact of the appearance of such an
article is in itself an indication that the topic was a timely and im-
portant one.
It was during those days of anxiety, when the world, and France
particularly awaited the crisis and was correspondingly jittery. It was
the time when the whole black reaction of France under the guidance
of Nazi emissaries, came to the surface, when the Lavals and Mon-
nets were working overtime to turn France over to Hitler.
And as usual, while hating the Nazis, the average Frenchman was
looking for someone to blame for his worries and the coming catas-
trophe.
It was under the influence of such an atmosphere that Mr. De
Beauplan wrote the article. In fairness to him one must say he tried
to be just and objective and there is really nothing in the article one
could reproach him for. A Jew would have written it differently, but
one must take in consideration that a Gentile cannot become passion-
ate while taking up the grievance of a Jew.
The author starts out with the necessity of studying the Jewish
problem of the past, present and the future. He cites Srabon and
Seneca as the authorities on the condition of the Jews in Rome at the
time of the destruction of the Temple, and explains that they were
cine civitate (without civil rights). From the time of emperor Caracalla
their condition improved until the advent of Christianity when Con-
stantine deprived them of the civic status.
Mr. De Beauplan briefly touches on all the phases and events in
Jewish life in the Diaspora, reciting the history of the Jews in every
country.

(Continued on Page 13)

Many years ago, a little boy
went out to a camp for the sum-
mer. On his first day there, he sat
in a room with a hundred other
little boys and girls and listened to
the director expound all the rules.
One of the principal rules,
stressed again and again by the
director, was the one that dealt
with food.
"You must eat everything that
is set before you," urged the di-
rector. "You cannot leave the ta-
ble until you do. This rule will be
rigidly enforced."
Three days later, the little boy
sat at the luncheon table and
stared at a dish of macaroni and
cheese that had been set before
him. The dish did not please him.
In fact, it turned his stomach. The
more he looked, the worse it be-
came.
The other little boys and girls
gobbled up their food and were
happY. All the announcements
were made. The tables were ready
to be dismissed. Little Joey still
sat staring at his macaroni and
cheese.
The diners all left the hall. The
noisy chatter was stilled. The
room looked larger for the still-
ness and the emptiness. And still
little Joey sat and stared at his
macaroni and cheese.
For a while, he wept. The tears
flowed down his soft cheeks like
rain and he sobbed convulsively,
heartbreaking, bitter sobs that no
one saw. In desperation, he ate F.
little. He could not swallow.
An hour passed. Then another.
And another. From outside came
happy laughter, joyous shouts and
the noise of busy children at work
and play. It was time to go swim-
ming and the little ones trooped
down to the lake. And still Joe
sat and stared at his macaroni
and cheese. The bitterness of op
pressed nations was in his heart.
Finally, the matron came in to
set the table for supper. She was
a kindly, motherly soul and she
recortnized distress at once.
"What are you doing here,
honey?" she asked gently.
"I didn't finish my lunch," was
the simple reply.
"And why not?"
"I can't," said the little boy. He
could not weep any more. All his
tears were gone. But he gulped
again. The lady's heart was
touched.
"I know the rules," she said
sympathetically. "But all they say
is you must not leave any food on
the table. I can think of other
ways of getting rid of food than
eating it."
A great light broke on the little
boy. He seized the dish and
stuffed the macaroni and cheese
in his pocket. Then he raced out
to the lake to dump it into the
concealing waters. As he reached
the door, he turned to the ma-
tron.
"You're just like my mother," he
said and was gone. His childish
words touched the matron and she
had to blow her nose vigorously
once or twice before she could go
back to work. But the little boy
called his family and they took
him out of the camp. And from
that day to this, he has never
eaten macaroni and cheese.

In a downtown district, three
office girls were gathered over a
desk, stuffing envelopes, sealing
them and placing stamps in the
upper sight hand corner. They
worked mechanically, chatting gai-
ly as the time passed.
In the next office sat the ogre-
like boss. He was working on the
books and he did not like the re-
sults they showed.
One of the girls walked over to
the window and opened it. A sud-
den swirling gust of wind came
in and blew the papers around
the desk. Continuing its impish
swirling, the gust of wind seized
a roll of stamps and carried it
out of the window down to the
street below.
The sight was very funny and
all the girls began to giggle. This
brought the boss out of his cubby-
hole, demanding the reason for all
these goings-on.
After some hesitation, the girls
told him about the roll of stamps
blowing out of the window. The
boss was furious. He raged and
stormed about carelessness and
expenses. He bewailed the fact
that he should he plagued with
such inefficiency. He bawled them
out individually and collectively.
Then he paused.
"And the roll of stamps," he
queried. "Were they one cent
stamps or three centers?"

Page Five

MAN CF THE WEEF

Enterprising, clear thinking, hard working Harry Yudkoff, presi-
dent of District Grand Lodge number six, the largest Bnal Brith dis-
trict in the world, is saluted by the Chronicle as the Man of the Week.
Yudkoff was born in Baltimore, Maryland, and came to Detroit
in 1914 at the age of eleven. He was a student at Northern High
School in this city and then went on to the University of Michigan.
There , he took a course in accounting and became an actuary. He
worked, for six months as an actuary in Des Moines, Iowa.
It was here that he had his first poignant experience with anti-
Semitism. He became increasingly aware that in the field of actuarial
work, there was no advancement for a Jew. For six months, he stuck
it out manfully. Then he threw in the sponge and turned to other
lines of endeavor.
Enters Insurance Work
He entered into insurance work and progressed rapidly, He now
has his own agency and employs four workers. He is doing quite well,
he admits modestly.
In connection with his work, especially that which has to do with
Bnai Brith, he does a lot of traveling.
"I like to go from place to place," lie said. "Of course during the
last three years it has been pretty difficult what with all the restric-
tions due to the war. But I learn a great deal from seeing other places
and meeting so many people."
While going to school, Yudkoff had no time for sports or any
extra-curricular activities.
Earns Way Through University
"I earned every cent of my expenses in the University," he said
"I washed dishes, mowed lawns, calcimined ceilings and delivered
papers. I got up every morning at 3 a.m. to deliver the Michigan
Daily at Ann Arbor. I went to school during the day and in the
afternoon and evening, I picked up odd jobs. By the time I did my
studying, there was no opportunity to enter into school life, either
socially or in athletics."
In 1928, Ile met the girl to whom he is now married. Their family
consists of one boy, Jerome Leon-
ard, who is now eight years old.
Vitally interested in commun-
ity activities, Yudkoff Is on the
board of the Detroit Jewish Com-
munity Council and Is co-chairman
with Rabbi From of the vitally
important Community Relations
Committee. He is also a member
of the board of the Fresh Air
Camp.

Devotes Time to Bnai Brith
Most of his spare time, however,
is devoted to Bnai Brith which he
joined in 1924. He was president
of Pisgah Lodge and became sec-
retary of the Michigan Bnai Brith
Council when it was first organ-
ized. He later became president of
the Greater Detroit Boat Brith
Council. He then held various offi-
ces in the district and now he is
president of district number six.
This is the largest district of
End Brith in the world. It takes
in eight middle western states and
eight Canadian provinces, having
HARRY YUDKOFF
a total of about 45,000 members
and about 140 lodges.
"One thing about Bnai Brith that appeals to me," he said, "is that
it brings all Jewry together on one common platform—the considera-
tion of their common problems. The Bnai Brith program encompasses
in a sense the total secular life of all Jewry. And this," he added, "is
aside from the Anti-Defamation League, which is one of the most
valuable pieces of work from which Jews benefit."
Yudkoff has always been an ardent Zionist. He feels that it is
vital that our people be gotten into Palestine. He hopes eventually for
the creation of a Jewish Commonwealth there.
Strong Council Supporter
Of the Community Council, he feels that it is deserving of the
support of the whole community even though it has not yet reached
its maturity.
"The Council can render invaluable service to the people of this
city," he said. "Considering its limited financial resources, it can still
do a great deal to implement the services for which it was organized.
Perhaps the one great thing it offers," he continued, "is the opportun-
ity for all who are a part of it to express their views democratically."
On the subject of the future of Jews in this country, Yudkoff was
fairly optimistic.
"Of course," he said thoughtfully, "our future here depends on
matters beyond our control such as the kind of economy we have and
the kind of leadership we get. At present, we suffer from a dearth of
real leaders. We must have not uniformity of opinion but a complete
uniformity of program.

Thinks Discipline Necessary
"This means, of course, that we must have some sort of community
discipline, some kind of enforced allegiance to a community body.
And our people must be aroused from their lethargy. They must real-
ize their problems and do something about them. We must be alert,
not only in Jewish matters but in national and international matters.
And above all, we must learn to work through organizations so that
our strength is felt at its maximum and is properly directed."
Returning to his first love, Yudkoff connected this program with
the organization he is most actively associated with.
"Because of the fecundity of its program, I think the Bnai Brith
program deserves the support of every Jew and Jewess. Not only does
it have a charitable program, but the ideal of Bnai Brith is one of
service.
"The Bnai Brith serves more Jewish youth through its Youth pro-
gram than all other organizations put together. It serves the totality
of Jewry all over the world. And we must be aware of Jewry all over
the world because what affects Jews in other countries of the world
must inevitably affect us here in this country.
"If for no other reason, Jews should join Mull Brith because we
need numerical strength. In Detroit, for Instance, we have more than
a hundred thousand Jews. Yet only seven thousand of them are mem-
bers of Bnai Brith. We need to have the whole community cognizant
of Bnai Brith and its program."
Asked what he thought Jews needed more than anything else,
Yudkoff leaned back in his chair and remained silent for several
minutes.

Feels I'rgent Need of Clear Thinking
"That's a hard question," he began. "More than anything else in
the world, Jews need clear thinking. They have to think things out
logically and completely. This thinking has to be basic and must take
all the existing facts into account. The trouble with most Jews is that
they just take things as they come without trying to reason out why
things happen as they do.
"We must study history and sociology. We must know our basic
economy. And we must be everywhere a factor in liberalism and prog-
ress. When things go well with people all over the world, things will
also go well with the Jew. And it is up to the Jew to bend his every
effort to see that things go well with people all over the world."

